A Sad Day

First of all thank you to everyone who sent messages to see how we are doing. Thanks be to God, we and all our loved ones are fine. But what happened is most definitely not. It is a very sad day for Marrakech. Beyond awful. I cannot believe the people who did this came from this amazing city - Djemma Al Fna, where the bombing happened, is one of the most magical places on earth. It is a UNESCO world heritage site and as soon as you step on to the square you feel its incredible energy. I don't believe anyone from this city could have done this.

All our thoughts and prayers are with the those that have lost their lives and those that have been injured. Staff at the local hospitals have worked under very difficult conditions to help the injured - and I know it has been traumatic for them too.

Marrakech will come through this. It will continue to be an incredible place to live and to visit. And for the sake of all the people that rely on the tourist trade to make a living, which is most of Marrakech, I hope that people still choose to come here and experience this beautiful place.

House Drama

It all came to a head this weekend. Hence the lack of blogging. It all could of turned out so horribly. But. It didn't. It went SURPRISINGLY well.

(For those that don't know the backstory you can read all about our house journey here and then the subsequent drama here.) A month ago Mr. T took over all negotiations. I had previously been leading these but my legalistic approach was not producing results and the further I got along in the pregnancy the less I needed the stress of talking to our delusional builders. Mr. T's approach was different. He spelt it out to them that if they didn't fix the house in time or pay us back the money they owed, then not only would he go to the police, he would also destroy their reputations. He bought their names on the internet, taped all their phone conversations, spoke to all their clients and employees and collected all the evidence he needed to put online and was even considering paying for adverts in local media publications. So about a month ago he met with them and showed them everything he had. It was pretty damning stuff. They were silent. He then offered them a chance to finish the house to a deadline that they could set. They said they needed 3 weeks. We agreed with the proviso that if the house was not finished in 3 weeks they would pay us any money they owed us. Hands were shook. The deal was made. 3 weeks went by and next to nothing was done. They asked for one more week. Mr. T said if one more week is all you need to catch up with over 12,ooo Euros worth of work which you haven't done, than I can give you one more week. One more week passed and still nothing changed. On the extended deadline Mr. T informed the builders they were no longer allowed on the land without him being present and that they had 5 days to pay us the total amount owed. They did not reply. Instead they tried to force their way on to the land and threatened the old man who guards the site for us. Mr. T turned up with the police but by that time they had left. The builders wouldn't take his calls. They wrote to us that night and said that they didn't agree with the figures we sent them and they requested a meeting on the site to confirm who was owed what.

Mr. T and I agreed it was best if I didn't go. This was so hard for me as I am usually involved in everything we do and I am very proactive about it all, but I had to think of Pebbles and such a high stress and potentially volatile situation would not be good for her or me. So I reluctantly let Mr. T go without me, but insisted he take some reliable (and well-built) friends with him. The builders turned up with an official from the court. This was fantastic for us and not so good for them. They started off by saying they only owed us 2000 Euros. Mr. T told them they were

crazy. So they went through everything point by point - apparently the shock on their faces was a sight to behold as it became clear they owed us 12,000 Euros. And all in front of the court official. There was no denying it. They had to sign a paper recognizing what they owed us, which was signed by the official. Then they had to sign a paper agreeing to pay us 5% on the Monday (which we received in cash! Cha-ching!) and the remaining 95% within 20 days. Neither of us could believe it had gone so smoothly in the end. It had been resolved. Resolved. Okay we still have to get the remaining 95% and we know nothing is certain until we have this but. A huge momentous step forward to getting it all resolved has been taken.

Mr. T and I have been cautiously celebrating. Things can move on now. We can actually get this house finished. And in time for Pebbles' arrival. So we have new builders - they have already done our stone floors, our chimneys and the bricks around the front door. The quality of their workmanship and their honesty with us has been great. They don't take advances. We only pay when they have finished particular stages. Now we have got rid of the other builders, our new builders have 6-8 weeks to finish everything that's left. We finally feel in control once again. As they say in Morocco, Al Hamdulilah (Thanks be to God). Life is really looking U-P.

Here are a few photos of the progress that's been made since last photo update:

Front of house (October time)

Front of a house a few months later with stone patio laid. This will be our outdoor dining area.

Staircase leading to roof terrace. Now with laid stone. And one furbaby having a breather.

Tiled roof terrace.

View from roof terrace.

Brick work around the front door. White filling to be added as shown at the bottom right.

Stone floor laid inside the house. This is taken from the living room, looking down the hall and into our bedroom at the end. Unfortunately all the plaster needs to come off as it was done so badly. Our new builders have shown us a different and much higher quality plaster finish that they will do soon.

Stone fireplace completed in living room!

Bath and taps in! Stone floor in bathroom done and tadelakt finished on the walls. Tadelakt is a Moroccan lime polish for walls. However this also needs to be redone as the quality is not acceptable and will not last. So another job for the new builders.

And here is one of our curious neighbours checking to see how the work is coming along....

A HypnoBirthing story--Lisa & Silver

Lisa & Silver took an accelerated HypnoBirthing class in February on Monday nights at Seaside Women's Health in Encinitas. Here is their birth story:

Hi Carol,
Thank you for everything. Silver and I are so happy we took your classes. The knowledge and confidence we gained was priceless.

Our daughter True Madera was born on Sunday March 20, 2011, the first day of Spring! She was 8 lbs 2 oz and 21 inches long.

I went into labor after midnight on Sunday, surges were almost immediately within a few minutes of each other, we arrived at Sharp Mary Birch around 5:30am, and True came into the world at 8:30 am. Dr. Cobb and the nurses in labor and delivery were awesome. Silver did an amazing job supporting us through the whole wonderful experience. We achieved our goal of a natural, unmedicated birth. The labor and delivery was fun and exciting. In retrospect, I did not really get into a relaxed, pain free state of mind- but we did use visualization techniques, and other techniques we learned from you.

True was not breathing when she was born. I was able to pull her up onto my chest and hold her for a few seconds, then Silver had to cut the cord sooner than we planned because they had to take her and help her out with breathing. Silver and and True went to the NICU. I didn't get to join them for a few hours. But Silver did a perfect job doing skin to skin bonding with her once they took out the breathing tubes. When I did get there, I was able to nurse her right away. I was happy to find out they didn't give her any supplemental feeding, baths, or pacifiers. We don't know why she didn't start breathing right away, her heart rate and vitals were all fine when she was born. She was perfectly healthy, just took some extra time to start breathing. Silver and I felt informed and involved in the whole emergency process as well. Although we encountered a challenge, we stayed positive and cherished every part of the experience.

Thank you for all that you shared with us. We are very grateful we were introduced to HypnoBirthing. I hope to use HypnoBirthing again in the future. I enjoy receiving all the great information from your Yahoo group. I feel fortunate to be part of the community.

All our Best,
Lisa, Silver and True
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Congratulations Lisa & Silver! I'm so glad that HypnoBirthing helped you feel in control of the entire situation even with the emergency situation with True's breathing! I'm so glad she is alright & am thrilled that you were able to have the natural birth you hoped for! Thanks for the feedback about my Yahoo group (only for my class members). I'm glad that you find my posts & links informative. Take care & continue to enjoy your babymoon!
All my best--Carol

To learn more about Dr. Damon Cobb, please contact him at Seaside Women's Health Center at 760-642-0800.

To learn more about HypnoBirthing in San Diego, please contact Carol Yeh-Garner at 858-837-1259 or visit her website at www.AWellLivedLife.Net. If you live outside of the San Diego area, please visit www.HypnoBirthing.com to find a practitioner near you.

24 weeks

So here I am at 24 weeks.

Belly has grown quite a bit since two weeks ago. In fact I have actually been feeling myself grow these last few days and have been feeling really tired so I'm having to rethink my packed days. And just a few days ago I had a scary dizzy spell and nearly fainted but was luckily sitting down at the time while lovely TCM lady was working on me and she caught me as I managed to say "I'm not feeling too well...." before slumping over. She lay me down and put pillows under my head and legs and made me do calming breathing exercises while she checked my pulses. She told me to take the rest of the day off, do you have much to do? She asked. Ummm... well this is my day off from teaching but after this I have to go to the building site, then to the supermarket, then I have a (extremely necessary) waxing appointment, then I have Arabic class and then I have a dinner. She gave me one of her you should know better looks. Come on Clare. You are nearly 6 months pregnant. Slow down. Those two words were a massive lightning bolt of realization...

Shit. I am nearly 6 months pregnant. Really I am. I need to slow down, what have I been thinking??? So I cancelled everything for the day (except the dinner with friends I haven't seen in ages, more to come below) and then for the next day also. All my classes cancelled, all my appointments rescheduled, time for some sleep and relaxation. I have since been feeling so so much better and no more dizziness.

So on to the dinner... it was a great dinner the kind where so many people you adore are there and everyone hasn't seen each other in a while and we all just wanted to catch up and have a good laugh. Except this time I was the one with the pregnant belly. It was like an out of body experience as everyone reached for the bump, commented on how 'glowing' I looked, how fabulous it all was etc. I felt so happy and proud inside, but I also felt unease with accepting it. Like it wasn't really happening to me. Like it was meant to be happening to someone else and that everyone would soon discover that I'm an impostor.

Again I had another dinner last week this time with a friend who has two children under 5 (she got pregnant with her youngest while we were TTC as well, she of course got pg straight away) and another (shock!) pregnant woman.... now normally this dinner would have had me running to the door. I would have been so uncomfortable and would have been watching the clock waiting until it was polite to leave. And at first that thought did occur to me. But. The little voice inside my head said: You're pregnant now too and so you can relax and enjoy yourself, no need to feel the pain and anguish because everyone around you is having babies and you're not. You are having a baby too.

But all this going to dinners, chatting with pregnant ladies, talking to my midwife, shopping for baby, sometimes it seems as though I don't really belong. Well that's often my first reaction anyway. Then I read Adele's blog and she put it perfectly: "I feel like I have suddenly slipped the space-time continuum and stumbled into somebody else's reality. I am suffering from a wee case of impostor's syndrome.... My impostor's syndrome did not ease when, after my doctor's appointment, I wandered several blocks southward to a duplex maternity store. It was my first foray into this particular milieu and I felt like a space alien sent to gather information about earthlings."

This is exactly how I feel a lot of the time. Baby and child development is something I am quite familiar with having previously worked as a nanny and as a kindergarten/primary teacher for the last 6 years. But pregnancy? My own pregnancy? The last few years I have made such an effort to avoid anything to do with pregnancy, birth and babies that it feels weird to let it suddenly be okay to venture into that world, not only to venture into it, but to embrace it. And I do. Wholeheartedly. But this impostor's syndrome is always there, sometimes a little and sometimes a lot.

Has infertility put such a marker on me that perhaps it claimed some of my identity? Or perhaps I let it define me in part.... But is this necessarily a bad thing? My experiences over the last three years have caused me to grow, to reach new levels of empathy, love and respect that perhaps I wouldn't otherwise have. I never will forget what it feels like to be on the "other side" and that's a good thing. The night of the friend reunion dinner there was another lady there who has been TTC for some time, just like me. She knows my story and I know hers. I didn't say anything at the dinner but it weighed on me - I have never been in a position where my pregnancy might make someone else uncomfortable. The next day I wanted to tell her I was thinking of her. That I know all too well the pain and that if she still wanted to talk about things then I am here - but at the same time if it's too difficult to be around me, I get that too. In fact I have done it to so many pg friends than I'd like to admit. So I sent her message. She sent me such a sweet reply.

So while I may at times feel like an impostor - or to use Adele's words like an alien sent to gather information about earthlings - I am grateful for the lessons infertility taught me, yes it was painful and traumatic, but it was my path that I had to walk. AND F@*K AM I GLAD TO BE ON THE 'OTHER SIDE', HELL YEAH! Even if it has affected the way I view my pregnancy and the rest of my journey to motherhood.

A HypnoBirthing announcement--Shelby & Will's birth

Shelby & Will took my HypnoBirthing classes on Tuesdays in January 2011 at Babies by the Sea Boutique.

Here is their birth story:

Hello there! I just wanted to let you know that my baby is here!!! Her name is Tenly Lu. She was born March 24 and was 7 lbs 19 inches. She is the most wonderful, perfect, beautiful baby ever!!!! I knew how great motherhood would be, but really it is even better than I could have imagined! As I'm sure you know!

I ended up having to have a planned C Section with her. She was Frank Breech, and after a week and of going to see Dr. Jack Mawer (chiropractor) twice a day to get her to turn, I just decided to go that way. My Dr. offered to do an external version, but she told me that if she turned they would induce me right away, and if she didn't turn it would be an emergency C Section. I thought long and hard and decided it would be easiest and best on both of us to just do the C Section. That way, I could be calm, well as calm as I could be.

It turned out to be the best decision I could have made! Her cord was wrapped around her neck, and if she had be able to turn, or if my Dr. had done the version, she could have been very affected!

She came out perfect and extremely alert! She was awake with her eyes wide open for most of the day! She is just so unreal!! I still don't believe she is real or mine!!!
She is now above her birth weight!! And she is eating really well. She is getting about 2.5 - 3 oz per feeding. I was in New Beginnings Boutique yesterday, and they offered me to weigh her before and after feeding to see. She is latching on really well too!!!!

So hopefully next baby I will be able to do it all natural! At least I was able to make my own choice, come to terms with a C Section and stay as calm as possible!
I would love for you to meet her!!

Thank you for everything! I look forward to your class again in the future!!
Shelby
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Congratulations to you & Will! I'm so glad that even though you had to have a C-section, you felt that the classes helped you. My ultimate goal for my classes is to have all of my clients feel in control of their birth experiences no matter where their birth journey takes them. Continue enjoying your babymoon! I'm glad that you're both doing so well!
Thank you so much for sharing your story!
All my best--Carol
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For more information about HypnoBirthing classes in your area, please visit www.HypnoBirthing.com to find a practitioner near you. If you're in the San Diego area, please visit Carol's website at www.AWellLivedLife.Net to find a class time that work for you.
For more information about breech babies & ways to turn them, please visit www.spinningbabies.com.
For more information about Dr. Jack Mawer, chiropractor, please visit www.AreYouAdjusted.com.

Belly Knocks

Knock knock! Who's there? It's me Pebbles!

23 weeks today and Pebbles decided to mark the day by kicking so close to the surface of my belly that we could actually see the kicks. I just happened to be looking down when she kicked and saw my belly move. Whoa. I called Mr. T and he started watching and she did it over and over again. We just started laughing so much - it was incredible to see. Then Mr. T told me to stop laughing as my belly was shaking and he couldn't see anything anymore! It was so hard to stay still and not react. My heart just spilled over with joy and wonder as everyday she is becoming more and more real and present in our lives. That might sound weird but it's these physical experiences that bring the reality home to us. We are actually going to have a child.

The idea of having a child, of being parents has been such a long time dream of ours, which most of the time seemed unobtainable, that I actually burst into tears a lot of the time when I stop to think about it. I am just so grateful and so in awe of this incredible blessing. Thank you, thank you, thank you. I promise to never ever take my darling Pebbles for granted. I promise to cherish every moment, including the tears and the screams, the snotty noses and the baby vomit... because I am already totally and utterly, head over heels in love.

And I just have to show you the gorgeous moses basket and rocker I have bought (yes I have started baby shopping, so much fun - but more to come on that later) it comes with it's own organic mattress and bedding. We hope to have her in our bed most of the time but I just couldn't resist this. Super duper cute factor:

Pebbles' Film Debut

Finally! A decent internet connection made this possible.... (well that and three years of TTC and a lot of heartache)....

Pebbles at our 20 week scan. I love how her feet are up by her head. Wish I was that flexible.

Isn't she amazing and cute and adorable and just ..... everything I've ever wanted. Sigh.

22 Week Belly Pic

Here is my little belly pop

Can't believe it. This is real.