A HypnoBirthing story--Kirstin & Joe

Kirstin & Joe took my HypnoBirthing classes in February 2011 on Thursday nights at Dr. Biter & Dr. Cobb's OB/GYN office, Seaside Women's Health in Encinitas, CA. Here is their birth story.



Kirstin, Joe & Declan’s Hypnobirth Story



My husband, Joe and I did the Balloon Trip Fear Release HypnoBirthing script the evening of April 27th, as we were 2 days away from my estimated date and we were anxious for our little guy to arrive. My water broke that night at 1:30am- my surges were mild and about 10 minutes apart at this time. I called Dr. Biter and our doula at 5am, and we decided that I’d just eat some breakfast and try to rest until the surges got more intense (they were 7 minutes apart). Our doula suggested that I take a walk around 9 am, since the surges had decreased as I was resting. You can’t avoid walking hills at my house, so by the end of my 30 minute jaunt, labor was in full progress.



I got back to the house and needed Joe for each surge at this point. We had really wanted to labor at home as long as we could, so we headed to the bathroom and spent the next 3 hours between the bathtub and sitting on the toilet. We kept the Rainbow Relaxation and Affirmations CD on repeat in the background, which really helped set the tone. Joe also read some prompts that Carol included on our “cheat sheet.” I often started to draw my shoulders up with each surge and tense up my back- Joe kept repeating to count to 20 with each surge, keep my body relaxed and breathe with just my abdomen. The Opening Rose visualization during surges, and Instant Relaxation exercise in between surges were especially helpful during this time. We’d decided that our doula should come to our house and help us decide when to head to the hospital. She arrived within an hour, but by that time I’d already gone through transition (vomiting and sweats), and we made the decision shortly after her arrival. My surges were very intense and 3-4 minutes apart, and I knew we needed to get to the hospital.



We had the Rainbow Relaxation on during the 25-min. ride to Pomerado, which really helped me go into a deeper state of relaxation. My surges were VERY intense, and I wasn’t sure if we would make it, but I knew I had to relax into the labor at this point. By the time Joe pulled up to the hospital entrance, I had started feeling the urge to push. They got me up to my room in L& D, examined me and found out I was fully dilated. Dr. Cobb was on his way, and I really wanted to push, but we had to try to wait for him to get there. In the meantime, the Electric Fetal Monitor showed our baby’s heart rate was low, so I needed to have an oxygen mask. The nurse, however, kept repeating how urgent it was for the doctor to arrive because of the baby’s heartrate, which of course was alarming. Joe kept reminding me of my breathing and counting, which helped me to stay calm. Dr. Cobb then arrived and we were ready to push.



Dr. Cobb had to ask me to push not only with my surges, but also in between them, because he wanted to get the baby out as fast as possible due to the heart rate. Since I’d been diligent about perineal massage, I wasn’t scared at this point. After 35 minutes of our arrival to the hospital, which includes 11 minutes of pushing, our baby boy Declan arrived. I had a small tear which required two stitches, just because the doctor was working to help get Declan’s head out. He was, however, calm and alert upon his arrival.



After 13 hours, 6 of those being intense active labor, we experienced the labor and birth that we had envisioned and hoped for. No pain medications, no interventions, and laboring at home as long as possible (although we probably should have left a little earlier and give the doctor more time to get there!). While I do have a great maternal history of fast, unmedicated births, I feel we would not have achieved this end result without the use of Hypnobirthing. We’d made the commitment to the practice and it really paid off. With Joe’s support and use of hypnobirthing tools, I was able to go with labor rather than resist it, and will forever remember this incredible experience. Thank you to Carol, her great instruction, and the confidence she instilled in us!

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Congratulations Kirstin & Joe on the birth of Declan! Thank you so much for sharing your birth story & I hope you're enjoying parenthood!



For more information about HypnoBirthing classes in San Diego, CA, please visit Carol's website at www.AWellLivedLife.Net. For information about other practitioners in your area, please visit www.HypnoBirthing.com & go to the Find a Practitioner page.



For more information about Dr. Cobb & Dr. Biter's services, please call 760-642-0800.



For more information about Kirstin & Joe's doula, Jenna Anderson, please visit www.birthofadoula.blogspot.com.



www.AWellLivedLife.Net

www.AWellLivedLife.blogspot.com

Boobgate

This is how one of my friends referred to my mastitis incident – it was one of the few things that made me laugh at that time so I thought it was a good title for this post!

Bubba enjoying the boob.

I (and boob) are totally better now and breastfeeding is going well – though my brain has not quite adapted me to waking up in the middle of the night to feed baby and be a functioning adult at the same time. I am still a delirious zombie when woken between the hours of midnight and 6am (at one of my night feeds I was convinced there were two Mr.Ts in my room and much to Mr.T's confusion I kept asking for the other Mr. T to come and see me). Then there was Boobgate to add to all of the post birth healing. But before I get to the ‘Boobgate’ incident, I want to start at the beginning of my breastfeeding experience. This is a bit of a long-winded post but I thought this story might be useful and hopefully prevent anyone making the same mistake I did.

On the day Beanie Bu was born (I am now going to refer to Pebbles as Beanie Bu – this is her IRL nickname) Jane, my midwife, put her on to my breast to feed for the first time. I was surprised that it didn’t hurt at all and actually felt nice, plus it was the most incredible bonding experience between me and my new baby. After this 20 minute feed Beanie Bu did not want to eat for the rest of the day. I tried to get her to latch on, which she did, but she did not suck. Jane explained that a lot of newborns are not born hungry and that we should just give her time. She did one meconium explosion (I had no idea a tiny baby could contain so much in a her little belly) and I thought she would soon get hungry. But the next day she was still not wanting to feed. Jane came to see us and said we should really try and get her to feed as it had been 24 hours since her last. She said we were going to have to ‘bully’ her a little to get on to the breast. Jane held Beanie Bu’s head and my breast and gently got her to open her mouth wide and then latch on. Beanie Bu was very good at latching on but when she’d done that she would do nothing with it! She would just go back to sleep with my nipple in her mouth. We took off her clothes and we tickled her feet to try and get her to wake up, but she still would not suck. We must have tried to get her to suck for about half an hour. No joy, she was not cooperating. Jane said that sometimes babies can get in a downward spiral of drowsiness and not eating, which makes them more drowsy etc. She also wanted Beanie Bu to get the vitally important colostrum before my milk came in. So as Beanie Bu was not feeding, Jane decided we should drop my colostrum in her mouth with a syringe. She milked my breast (such a weird experience! We joked that it was a good thing Mr. T wasn’t filming this as no doubt it would be an internet sensation on some websites!) and she used the syringe to suck up the drops of colostrum that came out. She then gently squeezed them into Beanie Bu’s mouth making her use her tongue to lick the syringe. We did this over and over until we couldn’t get any more colostrum out of my breasts. And I am so grateful we did.

Colostrum has a natural laxative effect on babies so it helps them to expel all the meconium in their bowels. Maybe an hour or so after doing this Beanie Bu had another huge meconium explosium. And after this she became HUNGRY! So it was probably her full meconium belly that meant she had no appetite. I am so grateful to Jane for being there to help me through those beginning days as I think had I been on my own, I would have really worried that I was doing something wrong. That I didn’t have milk, that the latch wasn’t correct, that there was something wrong with my baby….endless worries that a new mother can easily become overwhelmed with. But having Jane there (who is also a lactation consultant as well as a midwife) was so helpful – I could just put my trust in her and that was invaluable. She stayed with me for 10 days after Beanie Bu was born and got me through the drama that lay ahead.

So Beanie Bu began to feed. And all went well. She latched on well, she fed well, (with a little encouragement from me squeezing and tickling her feet when she began to drop off to sleep, which she did every few minutes!) and all was happy in the Mummy-Baby-Milk-Love circle. My milk came in and my breasts became swollen and really really hot, they leaked everywhere but again Jane reassured me that with feeding and a little time they would soon settle down. I used cold compresses to cool them down, cabbage leaves from the fridge for relief and when it got too much I would stand under a hot shower and massage my breasts to let some of the milk run out.

I experimented with different feeding positions as I could feel there were some hard lumps where a milk duct had become blocked, so we did the cross feed hold, the cradle hold, the underarm hold (which was great for blocked ducts, as they always seem to come on the outer side of my breasts) and the side lying position. I especially love the side lying position at night. Baby feeds while we are both lying down so she can just drift off to sleep when she is finished and so can I. When she is done I gently remove my breast from her mouth, shift back a little to give her more space and we both drift off into a beautiful and much needed sleep. (Last night she gave me 5 hours of sleep in one stretch! From midnight to 5am before she needed her next change and feed, thank you Beanie Bu!!) But as much as I love this position it was in this position that I did something stupid and really really paid for it after.

I wanted to feed Beanie Bu and have a nap after. I was super tired. My breasts were still engorged from my milk coming in but were starting to get better. I decided that I wanted to elevate Beanie Bu a little and since she had peed on her lambskin, I took out the wool mattress from her moses basket. This is quite thick and firm. So while we did our side lying feed the outer side of my right breast was pressed hard against this firm mattress. When I had finished feeding I lifted myself off the mattress and the pain start spreading across that side of my breast. Oh that was a stupid thing to do, I thought, well I won’t be doing that again. And I thought nothing more of it. Now that day would have to be the day I chose to do my first socializing. Beanie Bu was just 6 days old and we had organized a reunion dinner for my birthing team that evening at our house. I should have suspected something was wrong when I started to feel a little peaky. But I dismissed it as just as tiredness. I started feeling really ill during the dinner. But I again I dismissed as just tiredness and I excused myself and went to take a bath with Beanie Bu.

She does love bath time.

I was in the bath with Beanie Bu floating around and feeling more relaxed, when Beanie Bu decided to do a poo. I know breastfed baby poo is not like normal poo so I wasn’t totally freaked out, but my tears had not yet healed and my lady bits still felt very sore so I wanted to get out of the bath quick. I called out for some help but no one heard me. I couldn’t lean over the bath as I was frightened I would hurt my breasts again and so I decided to get out myself holding Beanie Bu. As I got out of the bath I began to shake uncontrollably. Like I was freezing. But it must have been at least 28C in the room. I was so terrified as I felt like I was going to drop her and I was in total shock at my body’s reaction. I placed Beanie Bu on a towel on the floor – convinced she was freezing too but I couldn’t do anything about it as I was shaking so much. I began to sob and made my way to the door – naked, wet and crying, calling for help – my mum heard me and came in. I somewhat hysterically asked her to look after the baby, that we were freezing and that I couldn’t stop shaking. My mum went to Beanie Bu and reassured me that she was fine, that she wasn’t cold – that it was me who was sick, not her. She got me to sit down as I cried my heart out, mostly out of shock and fear for my baby. Jane came in and gave me a great big hug. She asked me about my symptoms, I explained to her about the shaking, the fever, the achiness all over my body and she felt my lower abdomen and ruled out an infection there. I told her about what I had done to my breast that afternoon and how it was aching now – she was sure that one of the alveoli (the sacs that hold the milk) had burst and the milk had gone into my breast tissue. As the milk is not meant to be in the breast tissue the body goes into shock and you get fever etc. Jane explained that one of the most common misconceptions about mastitis is that it is an infection – it is not. It is an inflammation, which CAN eventually lead to infection requiring antibiotics, but at this stage I was dealing with inflammation so no antibiotics were needed. What I needed was plenty of rest and to get the milk to move through the breast. That night Mr. T said he would sleep in the living room with Beanie Bu and only bring her to me when she needed feeding.

As I was sweating and shaking so much Jane suggested I take some paracetamol to take the fever down so I could sleep. I was in so much pain and so tired that I agreed (I haven’t taken any painkillers in the last 3 years). She reassured me that it wouldn’t affect my milk or the baby. And oh did I sleep! Mr. T came in with Beanie Bu a couple of times for a feed, which my swollen breasts were very grateful for! When I awoke in the morning my breasts were still sore, particularly the right one, but I wasn’t aching anymore. I spent the day in bed resting as much as I could, I couldn’t do much as bending down or stretching my arms really increased the pain in my breasts. So I needed everyone else to change her, to get me food and drink, to comfort her and to put her to sleep. That night I couldn’t sleep as my brain was racing – I felt so guilty for not being able to take care of my baby, I was angry at myself for damaging my breast and getting myself into this situation – I couldn’t believe I had got mastitis, WTF?? I skipped reading that part of the breastfeeding book as I was like yeah, that will never happen to me!

I had the aircon on and the fan directed at me but I was still lying in so much sweat, the fever had come back, and I just couldn’t sleep even though I was exhausted. The only thing that made me relax and eventually fall asleep was when Mr. T came in and put his arms around me – I hadn’t realized how much I had missed his touch, his affection, it seemed like ages since we had any physical contact and it instantly relaxed me and allowed me to sleep. Even mothers need cuddles I realized!

The next day I was feeling better but the breast was still very painful. So on lovely TCM lady’s suggestion I started using hot castor oil compresses – these were amazing and I believe they sped up the healing process significantly. Apparently castor oil actually penetrates the lymphatic tissue and so helps the breast to heal faster. But another drama lay ahead. I had been feeding Beanie Bu as much as I could on the right breast to keep the milk moving and get rid of the swelling though I was careful to also give her the left one so that didn’t become engorged too. But that evening I put her on my right breast, she began to suck and then pulled away and started screaming. I tried again and again but she just kept getting upset. At first I thought something was wrong with her, so I tried my left and she was fine. She began sucking and was immediately contented. So something was wrong with my right breast – did the milk taste bad? I turned to my breastfeeding bible –

And read that when your breasts are really engorged you can have a slow let down, so baby gets frustrated that the milk is not coming down quickly enough. What could I do? This was the breast that I really needed her to drink from, if the milk didn’t move it would get even worse. So I knew I had to pump. After we managed to figure out how the pump actually worked (this involved me, Mr. T, my mum and my dad!) I began to pump my breast – I really did feel like a cow. It took quite a while before any milk came so I could see why Beanie Bu had gotten so upset. I was trying so hard with the pump the handle came off in my hand. It would have been funny if I wasn't so exasperated. Mr. T took over, sorted out the pump and pumped my breast, while I weeped silently out of frustration and pain. Finally the milk started to flow and it was amazing to see how fast it actually does flow out. Oh the relief was immediate! Jane had counseled me against pumping for relief from engorgement as that would only make the problem worse later on, as it would tell my brain to produce even more milk. But I felt that I had no choice at this point as baby would not drink from it. So as a compromise I decided to pump only a small amount to get the flow going and then allow Beanie Bu to try drink from me again. And thank God this worked!

So now Boobgate is over. My breast is finally healed and I have learnt a very painful lesson. Today Beanie Bu is 3 weeks old and we are having a wonderful time together. She amazes me every day. Yesterday she was staring at Mr. T and he stuck out his tongue at her and then she did the same thing back at him and then, I swear to God, she let out a little laugh! It was incredible, we called my mum to see, and she did it again! She is totally awesome... I know you will agree.

Pebbles' Birth Story

I am a mama now. What can I say? Pebbles is more incr(edible), awesome and breathtaking than I ever imagined possible. My heart just overflows when I look at her. Which I do every second I am awake. Which is most of the time these past few days.... I'm not very good at sleeping when she's sleeping as I tend to just stare at her all the time and don't want to close my eyes. But we have had some lovely snuggles together and these have been the best sleeps ever! Waking up to her arm draped over my boob and her peaceful contented face makes me feel like I have had the most refreshingly long sleep, when it's probably more like a couple of hours.

See what I mean...

Before I begin her birth story there are a few things I want to say. First if you are due to have a baby soon and don't want to read a no holds barred account - both good and bad - in graphic detail then don't read on. Second, I feel a profound sense of accomplishment that I was able to have my home birth, drug and intervention free. That Pebbles came into this world without being drugged, pulled or otherwise interfered with is something I will forever be thankful for. I am also deeply grateful to all the women in my birthing team who got me through the

contractions and the pushing - they were beyond amazing and without them I don't think I would have been able to do it, I really don't. So please bear all this in mind as you read the following.

During the labour and immediately after Pebbles was born, I think I was in shock. I had spent so long preparing for this day and I really thought I was ready, mentally and physically. But I have to say I was not prepared for just how challenging it would be. You may be thinking uh, it's childbirth stupid! But I believed that if I was in a safe and relaxing place, being able to move and do what I wanted when I wanted, then it wouldn't be that hard as my body's endorphins would kick in and I would be transported to this euphoric birthing place. I know for some women this is their experience and I think that it's incredible that they actually feel pleasure while birthing, more power to them. I was not one of those women. And I think if I had been

more open mentally to the possibility that this was going to be tough, in fact the hardest thing I have ever done in my life, then I probably wouldn't have felt so shocked afterwards. If just one book of the many I had read, had told me that it would feel like my asshole was going to explode, then perhaps I would have been better prepared. I told you this was going to be no holds barred...

So anyway let's start at the beginning. On Sunday 31st July at around 4.30 in the afternoon I was lying on the bed getting ready for my afternoon nap. I had just finished my birthing visualization exercises and wanted to watch this video of a woman giving birth in a pool with dolphins - it looked so peaceful and amazing. The dolphins floated gently near the birthing mother and she seemed in a state of bliss as her baby emerged from her. I closed my computer and shut my eyes ready for my nap, thinking of birthing like the mother with the dolphins. Baby was moving vigorously inside of me, kicking away. I felt a sort of pop or click deep inside of me and presumed this was something to do with my pelvis starting to get wider in preparation for the time Pebbles would come. But then I felt water pour out of me. I called for Mr. T and told

him that I thought my waters had just broken and could he get Jane, our midwife. Jane came in had a look at the soaked through bed sheet and confirmed that yes my waters had broken, they were clear and smelled fine so nothing to worry about. No contractions had started and so she said we should just wait for things to develop in their own time. Mr. T and I went for a walk, we had dinner and then I bounced and rolled around on the birthing ball encouraging things to get going. By 10pm nothing had happened and I was beginning to wonder if it would anytime soon. I asked Jane what my time frame was - she is so relaxed, which I love - she explained what the normal procedure would be in the UK and we decided to take a view after 24 hours if nothing had happened. I was really worried about having to go into a hospital because my waters had broken but labour hadn't begun because I knew they would want to induce me and I definitely did not want to be in that situation. So I dragged Mr. T out for another walk. On the way I had one mild contraction which encouraged me a lot and for a moment I could stop imagining being in a hospital room with tubes coming out of me. But then nothing happened for a while. So we started massaging the acupressure points that can help start labour and burned some clary sage oil and used it for massage too as that is meant to get things going. Well it did.

I was lying on my side when I suddenly had such a powerful contraction that I had to get up - lying down was not an option. Again I had imagined trying to lie down and perhaps sleep through the early stage of labour but the contraction had just been too strong. I got on my knees and leaned over the bed and asked Mr. T to rub my lower back and butt when the contractions came. At this stage they were coming every 5 minutes and were lasting about 30 seconds. I breathed through them all, chanting my birthing mantra 'Sat Nam'. 'Sat' on the inhale and 'Nam' on the exhale. It means 'I am true' and therefore wherever there is truth, there is no fear, only love. I wanted to use the love I felt for my little girl to power myself through the contractions. And at this stage it was working, though the contractions were a lot more intense than I thought they would be. Jane later told me that it was because Pebbles was already so low down in my pelvis that the contractions began very intensely, most women would have had a more gradual build up as the baby descended further down during the labour.

It wasn't long before my contractions started coming 2 minutes apart and at around 1.30 am Mr. T went to get Jane. Jane observed me for a while and said that I was still in the early stage of labour as my contractions were only lasting 30 seconds and the break between them was not uniform. Jane took my blood pressure and I was talking well with her and Mr. T during the break between contractions. I explained that the pressure in my lower back was really intense and that the back rubbing was really helping. Mr. T went to get my mum too, who was amazing at massaging my feet, which felt so relaxing during this stage. By 3.30 am Jane said that I was now in active labour as the contractions had started lasting for 60 seconds and were about 3 minutes apart. I immediately asked to get into the birthing pool. Jane and Mr. T went to set it up and get it filled with hot water. It felt like this took forever, I so desperately wanted to be in it, but in reality it was only like 20 minutes.

Feeling the warm water on my body was pure heaven. It was so therapeutic. I loved being able to float around during the break between contractions. The contractions were still intense in the water and every time one came I would say 'contraction!' and get on my knees and lean on the side of the pool while either Mr. T, my mum or Jane would massage my lower back and butt. After each contraction I would slip back into the water and try to relax my body and my mind. At this point I was still pretty conversant with everyone. Every 15 minutes or so Jane would check the baby's heartbeat on her little waterproof machine - she said this was one of the best ways to check if everything was progressing well. Throughout the entire labour Pebbles' heartbeat stayed strong, only slowing down once toward the end when she was nearly out, but it picked up again just minutes later. Jane also said she would not give me an internal exam during my labour unless I wanted her to. I cannot imagine having an internal exam during labour, I think if anyone and tried to push their fingers into me - especially during a contraction - I would have punched them. So luckily for Jane she didn't!

The bathroom was lit only by candlelight, there were candles everywhere all around the room. The music I had selected was playing, which helped to create a relaxing mood and also to help me connect with the spiritual side of what I was doing. At about 5 am with the contractions intensifying I asked Mr. T to call lovely TCM lady to get her to come as soon as she was able. I felt that if these contractions were still only going to get stronger then I would need some help. I really understand how difficult it must be for women in hospital to refuse the epidural and other pain-blocking drugs that are constantly on offer. It was the first time I realised that had I not been at home, with no possibility of having medical pain relief, I might well have caved and agreed to pain relief if it was being offered. The pain of the contractions had gone well beyond what I had ever imagined. But with each contraction I repeated the words 'open' and 'baby come down' over and over in my head. I used my yoga breathing to get through each one. Sometimes the contractions didn't really ease off in between, I was able to lean back but still felt intense sensations before the contraction started climbing to its pinnacle again.

When lovely TCM lady walked through the door she appeared like an angel. Is there anything you can do to ease the pain, I immediately asked. Yes, she said and got straight to work putting needles into my ears. When the next contraction came it was still strong but much more doable, the needles were definitely helping to take the edge off. In between contractions she continued to put more needles into my ears, and when the contraction started she would powerfully massage my back and butt, which was so incredible and helped me get through each one. However the next day I realised I was really bruised and the day after that it became clear just how strong those massages had been - my butt was (still is a bit) black and blue!

By this stage I was not really able to talk with people and my recollection of that time is quite surreal. I remember looking up from the water after a contraction and seeing Mr. T sitting on the chair with his legs resting on a ledge, fast asleep. Alright for some I thought! I remember calling out for water or apple juice from time to time, the bendy straws were very very useful. There was no way I could have eaten anything. Luckily my body had been clearing me out for days before the labour began, which was one of the reasons I thought she would come early. When the water started to cool down I would say 'more hot' and Jane and Mr. T would set to work bailing out the cooler water and adding hot from the shower hose. I also remember it being just light outside by the time lovely TCM lady arrived and I know, because of the film Mr. T took, that it was 8.40 am when I asked Jane to check me to see how far along I was. I was sure that I must soon be close to pushing as the contractions had been so powerful and had been going on for what felt like an eternity to me that they must have opened my cervix by now. I felt I needed to know where I was at, partly to encourage me on and partly because I wasn't sure how long I could keep on going. I remember I kept getting pins and needles in my legs and hands, I had to keep stretching them out and flexing and circling my wrists between contractions. With each contraction I put all my weight on my knees and hands and this only got worse when I started to bear down.

Jane checked me with her torch which she put into the water and told me she could see the baby's head and that there was nothing stopping her from coming out now, all I had to do was push her out. And here's where things got really hard and I felt my most desperate. I hadn't realised what pushing meant. I thought I just had to keep doing what I had been doing - try to push but still breathe through each contraction. Every time a contraction came I would take a deep breath and then scream/grunt/moan it out as I tried to push. In fact I had a sore throat for a day after Pebbles was born due to pushing all the energy out of my throat. Jane soon asked me to come over to her and look her in the eyes. She explained that I should take a deep breath as the contraction started but instead of letting it out, I had to hold it in and use it to really push down hard. I had to imagine pushing my baby round a 'j-shaped' curve.

(Mr. T told me a few days after Pebbles was born that when he had gone into the kitchen during my labour, our cleaner, who is a young Moroccan girl from the local village, she is not married and lives with her brother's family - had said to him that I was making the wrong noise, I shouldn't be letting all my energy out of my mouth, I had to use it to push down. When Mr. T told me this I was so surprised that she would know this never having had a baby herself. But Mr. T explained she would have witnessed many births in the family as they all take place within the family home and she would have been expected to help. The way a woman is in labour was nothing new to her. I have been reflecting on this and the nature of knowledge and how we obtain it. Contrasting myself - an educated Western woman who read many birthing books and watched dvds but still was fairly ignorant about the realities of labour and birth, with Aziza, an intelligent young woman who never had the opportunity to go to school, who cannot read and yet because of her life experiences had a deeper knowledge of what my body was going through than I.) With these instructions from Jane and a new realisation of what I had to do I changed my strategy. But it was damn hard. I was sweating profusely and the strain on my legs and arms as I pushed down hard was exhausting.

This continued for a bit as I tried my best but Jane could see I wasn't making any progress. Pebbles was not moving. Jane told me that I needed gravity to help me and so I had to get out of the pool. I told her I didn't want to, mainly because my legs felt like jelly and I didn't think I could physically get out of the water. Jane was kind but firm with me as she helped me out of the pool. She got me to sit on the toilet and said she wanted me to do two contractions in this position. I remember saying that I didn't want my baby to be born on the loo! She said that wasn't going to happen. I remember sitting there bearing down and sweat dripping off me, it was the hardest thing I ever had to do. She then got me to stand up and put one leg on top of the toilet lid, I put my arms around her and she circled my hips with her hands, then when the contraction came I put my weight on her and pushed down as hard as I could. What obstetrican would do that for you?

I told her I had to get out of the toilet as it was too hot and I felt like I wanted to walk. I came into my bedroom and the coolness and space of the room was so welcome and I knew that I was going to have my baby there. It just felt right. I walked up and down the room for a bit and then when a contraction came I put my arms around Mr. T's neck and pushed down as hard as I could. In fact I pushed down so hard on him at one point he fell over on to the bed, me with him. I nearly said, oh for goodness sake take it like a man will you! But I just didn't have the energy. Mr. T later told me he was totally shocked by my strength, he never imagined how powerful I was - on a later contraction I just grabbed him and had him in a headlock as I pushed down hard, he took it well that time!

Jane asked me to dance around and circle my hips, I started doing some of my bellydance figure of eight movements with my hips. She then got me to stand and put one leg on a chair and do figure of eight movements like that. When the contraction came and I started pushing Jane was on the floor with a torch - she encouraged me with each push - 'you are moving her now. That's it she's moving. Well done. Excellent pushing. Okay wait for the next contraction and same thing again.' I changed legs on the chair and pushed again. 'That's it, you're moving her, you're moving her.' Hearing these words really helped me on. Mr. T later told me that lovely TCM lady had sat down and was meditating and praying for Pebbles to come down and out, while I was in this position.

As Pebbles was getting closer to coming out I started to feel a strong stinging sensation - really really ouch. But when the contraction was over and I stopped pushing, I would relax and that would cause Pebbles to slip back inside - it was like two steps forward and one step back. Jane explained to me that I now had to hold her there with my muscles when the contraction subsided, I had to stop her from slipping back in. So on the next contraction I pushed down hard felt her head move down and the stinging sensation get crazily intense, when the contraction subsided, I had to keep my muscles contracted and keep pushing to hold her there. It was like doing crazy sit-ups where the instructor asks you to hold the sit up for a minute and you are just bearing through the pain, contracted up, wanting to relax down, sweat dripping off your face. At this point her head was just crowning, Mr. T was telling me he could see her head and I just had to keep going. Okay major TMI warning... I reached around to feel myself and then I said 'Oh my God is that poo? Have I pooed myself?' 'No, no you haven't sweetie it's just a blood clot, don't worry' said Mr. T and lovely TCM lady. I felt someone cleaning me up and I continued to focus on holding baby's head there. Mr. T later told me that yes, it was in fact poo, but they didn't want me panicking or to feel embarrassed and so they quickly cleaned me up - I will forever be grateful for that. I asked Mr. T how he could ever find me attractive again after seeing that. He told me he's never found me more beautiful than now and that he loves every part of me. Anyway he said you didn't really poo yourself, it's just everything was so open, your bum was so open that the veins and everything in it was visible. Wow you really have seen every part of me now haven't you? Then he reminded me of the time on our honeymoon when he had a pile - which we called Paul - and I had to rub cream on it every day, it was our honeymoon so not the most romantic thing, but in a way it was, because I didn't care as I loved him so much and didn't want him to be in pain. I know this is a lot TMI but I really want this to be a true account of what the birth was like, I do not want to skip over embarrassing or uncomfortable details - it's all part of the reality of birth (for me anyway).

So back to the pushing. This was the big one. I now had to push her head out. Jane asked me to get on my knees and lean over the chair. As the contraction came and I pushed the hardest I have ever done in my life, my neck, shoulders and back straining, I was torn (actually literally) between wanting to push her out and a feeling of self-preservation. I felt like I was going to split in two and that if I continued to push I would end up seriously injured. The burning and the stinging were insane. But there was no way back and I closed my eyes and pushed. Mr. T made an audio file from the film he took of the moment Pebbles' head came out and then the rest of her so I could post it up. What you will hear is the moment I start to push her head out, followed by a break while Jane prepares a sterile paper/mat, then another contraction while I push the rest of her body out.

Despite all the pain and discomfort it still brings tears of absolute joy to my heart when I listen to it. And that is the point. I don't want to scare anyone or put terrifying thoughts of unbelievable pain into anyone's head, as it's this bizarre thing - yes it was unbelievably painful and tough but yet it doesn't seem to matter so much. Once you hold this little baby, hear its cry, look into its enchanting eyes, you realise you would have gone to hell and back to have her. Indeed many IFers out there, including myself, have said this time and time again when waiting for that elusive BFP.

As I sat there on the floor of my bedroom, my back against the bed, holding my newborn baby, I was in total and utter shock. I kept thanking everyone around me, I was sure I couldn't have done it without them. They told me I could've but I'm not so sure. I think had they not been there I might have gone to hospital and asked for an epidural. Jane told me that if I had had an epidural I probably wouldn't have been able to push her out as I couldn't have felt anything and I would have ended up with a vacuum/forceps delivery and most likely an episiotomy to boot. For this alone I am tremendously grateful that I had my baby at home the way I wanted even if it was more challenging and painful than I ever imagined.

We sat on the floor for a while me, Mr. T, Jane, my mum and lovely TCM lady as we all stared at Pebbles. She cried just for a bit as she came out and then was silent as she lay there in my arms, she opened her eyes and just stared at me, and then started looking all about her. It was just magical. As I held her vernix covered body Mr. T recited the call to prayer in her ear as a way of welcoming her into our faith. Jane waited for the cord to stop pulsating. When it had she clamped it and Mr. T cut the cord. We sat there taking it all in. My mum asked if my Dad could come in and they threw a sarong over my naked and blood-stained body and the new Grandad came in - he congratulated me through choked tears and we all started crying again.

Just born, eyes open.

We had been waiting for the placenta to come out for about 15 minutes so Jane suggested I sit on the toilet and use this bowl a friend had given me that sits in the loo so you can wash and cool your perineum after birth, to catch the placenta in. I handed Pebbles to Mr. T - it was very weird, my first time without her in 9 months - and went to the bathroom. I was quite hesitant about pushing again, everything felt so tender. I reached a finger inside of me and I felt the placenta, it's here I said and without really having to push it slipped out of me into the bowl. That was easy, I said very surprised, everything else had been so hard! Jane examined it and said it looked fine and that I had lost very little blood. We wrapped the placenta up and put it in the freezer. Our plan is to plant the placenta under a fig tree in the front of our new house when we move in. Then it will always be Pebbles' tree. In the meantime lovely TCM lady had been refilling the birth pool so that Pebbles, Mr. T and I could have some alone time together in the water.

Floating in the water with my newborn baby and my husband was the best thing I have ever experienced in my life. My body was battered and bruised but it was though I didn't feel a thing in those moments. We were left alone together for a while and we spoke and sang to her and repeated her name over and over. Jane then came in and suggested that I try feeding her, I struggled to get her to latch on myself and so Jane expertly maneuvered her and in a second she was on and started to suck away. It was an amazing feeling, I actually find it quite pleasurable and not painful at all - but more to come on breastfeeding in a later post.

It was finally time to get out of the water and for Jane to check me and baby out. Baby was given an Apgar score of 9/1, 10/5 and 10/10. She weighed in at 3.2 Kg. Then Jane checked me out while I was lying on the bed and Mr. T held Pebbles who had been all swaddled up and was now sleeping in her Daddy's arms. I kept telling Jane that I didn't want stitches, everything felt so sore I didn't want anything going near me at all. She had a good look and told me I had two tears. One superficial one on my perineum and a significant one on my labia minora but she said that stitches would only make it worse and that it was best to leave to heal on its own, though I would never look the same. She asked if this was important to me - well I won't be appearing in Pent.h.ouse any time soon, so no I think I can live with it, I replied. She told me it will sting when I pee for a few days - and oh boy did it - but she had a few tricks which can help. So I have a sports bottle full of water next to the loo to spray on myself and this spray I bought from Earth Mama Angel Baby has been a God send!

After all this, the three of us, our new little family, got into bed and exhausted we tried to sleep. Though Mr. T and I kept staring at Pebbles and every few minutes we would squeeze a foot or a hand to check for a reaction to check she was still breathing. But eventually we did sleep. And what a sleep it was. And when I awoke next to my daughter I still felt as though I was in a dream. A beautiful amazing dream.

There is still so much more to say. And now I am into a rhythm of things I hope to post more. I want to tell you all about Pebbles, who is just an angel (I really think I am the luckiest Mama alive, as she is so calm and chillaxed, which she definitely does not get from me. It is Mr. T's super laidbackness, which for once I am actually grateful for :D), my healing routine, the breastfeeding and some drama, of course! So please bear with me. This post has taken me a week to write between feeding, changing, sleeping and crying fits (mine not hers!). And it has mostly been typed with one hand as Pebbles sleeps on my chest. And then a few days ago I damaged my right breast by leaning against something hard while feeding, causing one of the alveoli to burst and the milk to leak into my breast tissue which in turn caused my body to go into shock - fever and shaking. I'm much better now and my breast is almost back to normal - but that is another post too. Now I must return to my little angel, who is just realizing she is hungry, and that the lady with the milk is right in front of her.

A HypnoBirthing story--Julie & Frank

Julie & Frank took my HypnoBirthing classes on Tuesdays in February/March of 2011 at Babies by the Sea Boutique in preparation for baby #2. They had not taken HypnoBirthing for their 1st baby & wanted to be better prepared the second time so they could have a natural birth.

Julie wrote about her birth story on her blog.
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Congratulations to Julie & Frank! Thank you so much for sharing your birth story! Continue to enjoy your babymoon!

She had a doula to help them during their birth named Jenna Anderson. Her contact information can be found on my website's resources page.

www.AWellLivedLife.Net
www.AWellLivedLife.blogspot.com

Pebbles is here!

This is Mr.T, writing for a very tired Clare. Im very proud to announce the arrival of our beautiful daughter this morning at 10.22 am, the first day of the holy month of Ramadan. She was born at home after 7 hours of labor but Im sure Clare will fill you in on all the details! We are overjoyed and exhausted!