Boobgate

This is how one of my friends referred to my mastitis incident – it was one of the few things that made me laugh at that time so I thought it was a good title for this post!

Bubba enjoying the boob.

I (and boob) are totally better now and breastfeeding is going well – though my brain has not quite adapted me to waking up in the middle of the night to feed baby and be a functioning adult at the same time. I am still a delirious zombie when woken between the hours of midnight and 6am (at one of my night feeds I was convinced there were two Mr.Ts in my room and much to Mr.T's confusion I kept asking for the other Mr. T to come and see me). Then there was Boobgate to add to all of the post birth healing. But before I get to the ‘Boobgate’ incident, I want to start at the beginning of my breastfeeding experience. This is a bit of a long-winded post but I thought this story might be useful and hopefully prevent anyone making the same mistake I did.

On the day Beanie Bu was born (I am now going to refer to Pebbles as Beanie Bu – this is her IRL nickname) Jane, my midwife, put her on to my breast to feed for the first time. I was surprised that it didn’t hurt at all and actually felt nice, plus it was the most incredible bonding experience between me and my new baby. After this 20 minute feed Beanie Bu did not want to eat for the rest of the day. I tried to get her to latch on, which she did, but she did not suck. Jane explained that a lot of newborns are not born hungry and that we should just give her time. She did one meconium explosion (I had no idea a tiny baby could contain so much in a her little belly) and I thought she would soon get hungry. But the next day she was still not wanting to feed. Jane came to see us and said we should really try and get her to feed as it had been 24 hours since her last. She said we were going to have to ‘bully’ her a little to get on to the breast. Jane held Beanie Bu’s head and my breast and gently got her to open her mouth wide and then latch on. Beanie Bu was very good at latching on but when she’d done that she would do nothing with it! She would just go back to sleep with my nipple in her mouth. We took off her clothes and we tickled her feet to try and get her to wake up, but she still would not suck. We must have tried to get her to suck for about half an hour. No joy, she was not cooperating. Jane said that sometimes babies can get in a downward spiral of drowsiness and not eating, which makes them more drowsy etc. She also wanted Beanie Bu to get the vitally important colostrum before my milk came in. So as Beanie Bu was not feeding, Jane decided we should drop my colostrum in her mouth with a syringe. She milked my breast (such a weird experience! We joked that it was a good thing Mr. T wasn’t filming this as no doubt it would be an internet sensation on some websites!) and she used the syringe to suck up the drops of colostrum that came out. She then gently squeezed them into Beanie Bu’s mouth making her use her tongue to lick the syringe. We did this over and over until we couldn’t get any more colostrum out of my breasts. And I am so grateful we did.

Colostrum has a natural laxative effect on babies so it helps them to expel all the meconium in their bowels. Maybe an hour or so after doing this Beanie Bu had another huge meconium explosium. And after this she became HUNGRY! So it was probably her full meconium belly that meant she had no appetite. I am so grateful to Jane for being there to help me through those beginning days as I think had I been on my own, I would have really worried that I was doing something wrong. That I didn’t have milk, that the latch wasn’t correct, that there was something wrong with my baby….endless worries that a new mother can easily become overwhelmed with. But having Jane there (who is also a lactation consultant as well as a midwife) was so helpful – I could just put my trust in her and that was invaluable. She stayed with me for 10 days after Beanie Bu was born and got me through the drama that lay ahead.

So Beanie Bu began to feed. And all went well. She latched on well, she fed well, (with a little encouragement from me squeezing and tickling her feet when she began to drop off to sleep, which she did every few minutes!) and all was happy in the Mummy-Baby-Milk-Love circle. My milk came in and my breasts became swollen and really really hot, they leaked everywhere but again Jane reassured me that with feeding and a little time they would soon settle down. I used cold compresses to cool them down, cabbage leaves from the fridge for relief and when it got too much I would stand under a hot shower and massage my breasts to let some of the milk run out.

I experimented with different feeding positions as I could feel there were some hard lumps where a milk duct had become blocked, so we did the cross feed hold, the cradle hold, the underarm hold (which was great for blocked ducts, as they always seem to come on the outer side of my breasts) and the side lying position. I especially love the side lying position at night. Baby feeds while we are both lying down so she can just drift off to sleep when she is finished and so can I. When she is done I gently remove my breast from her mouth, shift back a little to give her more space and we both drift off into a beautiful and much needed sleep. (Last night she gave me 5 hours of sleep in one stretch! From midnight to 5am before she needed her next change and feed, thank you Beanie Bu!!) But as much as I love this position it was in this position that I did something stupid and really really paid for it after.

I wanted to feed Beanie Bu and have a nap after. I was super tired. My breasts were still engorged from my milk coming in but were starting to get better. I decided that I wanted to elevate Beanie Bu a little and since she had peed on her lambskin, I took out the wool mattress from her moses basket. This is quite thick and firm. So while we did our side lying feed the outer side of my right breast was pressed hard against this firm mattress. When I had finished feeding I lifted myself off the mattress and the pain start spreading across that side of my breast. Oh that was a stupid thing to do, I thought, well I won’t be doing that again. And I thought nothing more of it. Now that day would have to be the day I chose to do my first socializing. Beanie Bu was just 6 days old and we had organized a reunion dinner for my birthing team that evening at our house. I should have suspected something was wrong when I started to feel a little peaky. But I dismissed it as just as tiredness. I started feeling really ill during the dinner. But I again I dismissed as just tiredness and I excused myself and went to take a bath with Beanie Bu.

She does love bath time.

I was in the bath with Beanie Bu floating around and feeling more relaxed, when Beanie Bu decided to do a poo. I know breastfed baby poo is not like normal poo so I wasn’t totally freaked out, but my tears had not yet healed and my lady bits still felt very sore so I wanted to get out of the bath quick. I called out for some help but no one heard me. I couldn’t lean over the bath as I was frightened I would hurt my breasts again and so I decided to get out myself holding Beanie Bu. As I got out of the bath I began to shake uncontrollably. Like I was freezing. But it must have been at least 28C in the room. I was so terrified as I felt like I was going to drop her and I was in total shock at my body’s reaction. I placed Beanie Bu on a towel on the floor – convinced she was freezing too but I couldn’t do anything about it as I was shaking so much. I began to sob and made my way to the door – naked, wet and crying, calling for help – my mum heard me and came in. I somewhat hysterically asked her to look after the baby, that we were freezing and that I couldn’t stop shaking. My mum went to Beanie Bu and reassured me that she was fine, that she wasn’t cold – that it was me who was sick, not her. She got me to sit down as I cried my heart out, mostly out of shock and fear for my baby. Jane came in and gave me a great big hug. She asked me about my symptoms, I explained to her about the shaking, the fever, the achiness all over my body and she felt my lower abdomen and ruled out an infection there. I told her about what I had done to my breast that afternoon and how it was aching now – she was sure that one of the alveoli (the sacs that hold the milk) had burst and the milk had gone into my breast tissue. As the milk is not meant to be in the breast tissue the body goes into shock and you get fever etc. Jane explained that one of the most common misconceptions about mastitis is that it is an infection – it is not. It is an inflammation, which CAN eventually lead to infection requiring antibiotics, but at this stage I was dealing with inflammation so no antibiotics were needed. What I needed was plenty of rest and to get the milk to move through the breast. That night Mr. T said he would sleep in the living room with Beanie Bu and only bring her to me when she needed feeding.

As I was sweating and shaking so much Jane suggested I take some paracetamol to take the fever down so I could sleep. I was in so much pain and so tired that I agreed (I haven’t taken any painkillers in the last 3 years). She reassured me that it wouldn’t affect my milk or the baby. And oh did I sleep! Mr. T came in with Beanie Bu a couple of times for a feed, which my swollen breasts were very grateful for! When I awoke in the morning my breasts were still sore, particularly the right one, but I wasn’t aching anymore. I spent the day in bed resting as much as I could, I couldn’t do much as bending down or stretching my arms really increased the pain in my breasts. So I needed everyone else to change her, to get me food and drink, to comfort her and to put her to sleep. That night I couldn’t sleep as my brain was racing – I felt so guilty for not being able to take care of my baby, I was angry at myself for damaging my breast and getting myself into this situation – I couldn’t believe I had got mastitis, WTF?? I skipped reading that part of the breastfeeding book as I was like yeah, that will never happen to me!

I had the aircon on and the fan directed at me but I was still lying in so much sweat, the fever had come back, and I just couldn’t sleep even though I was exhausted. The only thing that made me relax and eventually fall asleep was when Mr. T came in and put his arms around me – I hadn’t realized how much I had missed his touch, his affection, it seemed like ages since we had any physical contact and it instantly relaxed me and allowed me to sleep. Even mothers need cuddles I realized!

The next day I was feeling better but the breast was still very painful. So on lovely TCM lady’s suggestion I started using hot castor oil compresses – these were amazing and I believe they sped up the healing process significantly. Apparently castor oil actually penetrates the lymphatic tissue and so helps the breast to heal faster. But another drama lay ahead. I had been feeding Beanie Bu as much as I could on the right breast to keep the milk moving and get rid of the swelling though I was careful to also give her the left one so that didn’t become engorged too. But that evening I put her on my right breast, she began to suck and then pulled away and started screaming. I tried again and again but she just kept getting upset. At first I thought something was wrong with her, so I tried my left and she was fine. She began sucking and was immediately contented. So something was wrong with my right breast – did the milk taste bad? I turned to my breastfeeding bible –

And read that when your breasts are really engorged you can have a slow let down, so baby gets frustrated that the milk is not coming down quickly enough. What could I do? This was the breast that I really needed her to drink from, if the milk didn’t move it would get even worse. So I knew I had to pump. After we managed to figure out how the pump actually worked (this involved me, Mr. T, my mum and my dad!) I began to pump my breast – I really did feel like a cow. It took quite a while before any milk came so I could see why Beanie Bu had gotten so upset. I was trying so hard with the pump the handle came off in my hand. It would have been funny if I wasn't so exasperated. Mr. T took over, sorted out the pump and pumped my breast, while I weeped silently out of frustration and pain. Finally the milk started to flow and it was amazing to see how fast it actually does flow out. Oh the relief was immediate! Jane had counseled me against pumping for relief from engorgement as that would only make the problem worse later on, as it would tell my brain to produce even more milk. But I felt that I had no choice at this point as baby would not drink from it. So as a compromise I decided to pump only a small amount to get the flow going and then allow Beanie Bu to try drink from me again. And thank God this worked!

So now Boobgate is over. My breast is finally healed and I have learnt a very painful lesson. Today Beanie Bu is 3 weeks old and we are having a wonderful time together. She amazes me every day. Yesterday she was staring at Mr. T and he stuck out his tongue at her and then she did the same thing back at him and then, I swear to God, she let out a little laugh! It was incredible, we called my mum to see, and she did it again! She is totally awesome... I know you will agree.