Preserving the Intimacy of Birth~One
Doula's View
(This article came across my desk. It was written a few years ago by a HypnoBirthing Doula, who has become a Licensed Midwife. I think it gives a wonderful overview of what a doula's role can be in a woman's birth experience.)
Birth is the most quintessentially feminine an experience that has
ever been. The power of the body meets the power of the mind in a
spectacular explosion of the perfection of nature. These are the moments when a
woman is only who she is. There is no pretending and there is no running.
There is only being. The person that most women choose to share this experience with is
her husband or partner. Although he cannot fully feel the internal workings
of the harmony of his partner's body, a birthing father moves through his
own kind of awakening and rebirth. Woman becomes mother and man becomes
father and for just a moment the realization is made that this child is a
product of their work together.
As a Labor Companion, or
Doula, I have often been privy to this
renaissance moment. It has caused me to silently cry for the beauty of it all and
to look away to preserve the peace of this sacred time between a mother
and father who have just come to be so. As witnesses to such a special occasion, we as
Doulas must realize that
a birth experience is the complete and total property of the birthing parents. Whether or not we agree with where or with whom our clients are birthing
is not an issue. Our job, much like parents ourselves, is to educate, guide,and support the laboring family.
My only birth experiences were bearing
my own children. The births I attend are someone
else's experience that I
am invited to assist in. In the initial interview with a prospective couple, it should be
explained first and foremost that as a
Doula, we should not be holding the
mother's hand or stroking her hair. A
Doula is not the person she wants to stare
at for hours. Her husband should be that person, and if he chooses not
to involve himself in the birth he will do his partner and his child a
grave disservice, not to mention his own personal regret for having missed such
an incredible opportunity.
It is widely understood that the word "
Doula" is a Greek word for "slave." Personally, I reject the notion that a
Doula is the slave of the
laboring mother.
Doulas are not held in bondage and forced to experience the
beauty of birth. We choose this work because we are called to it. We
simply cannot imagine ever not being a part of birth.
Doulas, in my opinion, should act as trained background. Drinks
magically appear between every uterine surge. The vomit basin makes it to mom just
in time. Cool washcloths are in ample supply and always fresh and nobody
has to ask. If she's uncomfortable, position changes are offered
and facilitated. When interventions are suggested, the birthing parents can
make an informed decision because they have a
Doula on their side. My point is that while we, as Labor Companions, are handling the details
of a positive birthing experience, a partner can simply be a partner.
Our society took Dads from the waiting room where they had no part of the
birth and put them in the labor room with the entire weight of the
birth experience on their shoulders. A
Doula can remove that weight and
simply allow a husband to experience the beauty and intimacy of his birth
into fatherhood.
It is amazing to me how much information a laboring father can absorb.
This year, I have taken to instructing dads during the birth on how to
support his wife, rather than doing it myself. It's so easy to say "rub her
right here" and to step away into the shadows to preserve the birth of the family. I can keep the cool washcloths in his hands so that Dad is the
person placing them on his wife's forehead. When her husband saves the day
by helping mom get into a squatting position after I've whispered in his
ear that she might be more comfortable that way, my satisfaction is their
gentle embrace. If you watch closely during labor and birth, you will see mother and father, husband and wife, man and woman, fall in love in a way entirely new to them. In this intensely emotional time, a woman sees her partner exhibit a kind
of quiet tenderness that she has in all likelihood never before seen. In
that same instant, she shows her partner a graceful strength and steely
courage that he never knew she possessed.
When we step over the line and assume the role of the birth partner,
that moment is missed. It is not merely the moment when a slippery baby
emerges from his mother, but it lasts throughout the birthing process. I
remember these moments vividly from my most recent birth, which was our third
child but our first birth with a
Doula. My husband lay next to me in bed
for hours, rocking on his hands and knees with me during the surges
and collapsing with me in between. My
Doula was there but I never saw her.
I always had a fresh drink and my back was always rubbed and my needs
were met, but I never had the overwhelming presence of anyone but my husband
and I am forever thankful for the preservation of our intimate moments.
In conclusion, I feel that as
Doulas our jobs are not merely to assist
the birthing mother. We must protect the sanctity and intimacy of
the experience of the birthing family, while not taking on the event as our own. The new parents should come away from their experience with a sense
of confidence and empowerment that they worked perfectly together to bring
a peaceful baby into the world. They should never be left feeling that
they couldn't have done it without their
Doula. We all know they could have,
and we're ever so lucky to be allowed to participate. We simply provide
the direction and quiet support to breathe courage into the labor room.
By Heather
HiltonHypnoBirthing Childbirth Educator & Birth
Doula since 2001
Student
Midwife (now a Licensed Homebirth Midwife)MommyAustin, Texas USA
Thanks for letting me share this, Heather!
www.AWellLivedLife.Netwww.AWellLivedLife.blogspot.com
