10 Things...

Having been trying to get pregnant for over a year, I've heard my fair share of pretty insensitive crap. Some of you TTC ladies will understand what I mean, you know, those comments or questions where you just grit your teeth and smile (but secretly you just want to punch that person in the nose). 

Ahhhh, satisfaction!

And I know this isn't just the preserve of TTC women, it happens to ALL women because women still largely get defined by their fertility (or lack thereof). Today I felt like I had to get it off my chest for all TTC/infertile women out there. I know many of the things said come from a good place in the heart and are not intended to offend in the least, that's why I grin and bear it, but NOT TODAY!

So here's my list of 10 Things Never to Say to TTCers/Infertiles:

1) Just stop trying, don't think about it, I'm sure if you just relax it will happen. - This is usually followed by a story of a friend who did this and then fell pregnant. This is a really annoying thing to say - it is nigh on impossible to stop thinking about it. And trying to stop thinking about it and trying to relax about the whole thing just sends me more insane!

2) Are you pregnant yet?/Any good news? - I got asked this incessantly at the beginning and I wished I hadn't told anyone we were trying. Believe me if there was any good news, the whole world would know!

3) Oh I have the opposite problem, I get pregnant just like that! - This is when my self-control gets tested and I start to feel my fist clench. Bop! Just kidding.... smile!

4) I hate being pregnant, sometimes I think why am I doing this again? - Tears actually welled up in my eyes when I heard this.

5) You'd better get a move on, the clock is ticking. - You don't think I think about this every day? Not helping with anxiety levels here - in fact I think this comment definitely deserves a bop on the nose..

6) My kids are driving me crazy, you can have one of mine if you want. - This is kinda funny and it's well meaning but when you're in this head-space the sentiment is not really appreciated.

7) Well, I guess things happen for a reason. - What? You think it's my destiny to be infertile, thanks for the optimism!

8) I hear they're having a lot of success with IVF/test tube babies nowadays. Why don't you try that? - Do you know how much it costs? What's even involved? And if we do decide to go for that there's a lot of discussions and financial decisions to be made beforehand.

9) You should visit my mother, she just placed her hands on my sister and then she got pregnant a month later (and other mystic tales...) - Please don't take advantage of my desperation.

10) Still no good news? - No. Leave me alone, I might punch you.

If any of my friends have read this and think they may be guilty of saying any of the above -  I love you and don't hold it against you (and I definitely won't punch you!). I cherish our friendship! I just needed to have a 'Yes Im still not pregnant' rant. And if you're wondering what the hell you can say to me, just tell me you love me, wish me lots of luck and send me lots and lots of baby dust!

But in the interests of fairness I think us TTCers/Infertiles need to have a list too. You know that feeling when you hear that another friend, family member or co-worker is pregnant? It breaks your heart a little that it's not you, this is the truth, as much as we hate to admit it. But for all my TTC/Infertile ladies out there, here is a list of things to do or not to do when it feels like everyone around you is pregnant!

1) Be happy for your pregnant friends, celebrate the joy with them. I know that when and if I do get pregnant I will want everyone to be on top of the world with me too!

2) It's okay to cry, cry and cry - just don't do it in front of pregnant friends!

3) Don't put your life on hold. Separate your identity from your infertility. I am very guilty of not doing this. But I'm trying!

4) Keep your life as full as possible. Busy busy bees, but not in a stressful way.  I took up a bellydance class and of course this life-line, my blog!

5) Don't punch anyone. Do the grin and bear it thing. Unless they're really obnoxious, then go for it!

Additional life benefits of HypnoBirthing

Here is a testimonial of some side benefits of HypnoBirthing from a former class member:

So I have been meaning to write to you for weeks! I just wanted to pass along my thoughts about the skills I learned in HypnoBirthing post birth. More than a year after Caroline's birth I still use "HypnoBirthing" daily...although admittedly I have forgotten much of the official lingo. It is so normal for me I barely notice it but I have noticed a true impact.

I have had borderline blood pressure for as long as I can remember in my adult life. In the last year it has been excellent (well within normal limits) and I attribute completely to regular use of relaxation techniques. The other time I use techniques regularly is when I am trying to sleep, especially if I am in a strange place or their are noises disrupting me. For example, recently a neighbor was having a party and instead of allowing the noise to disrupt me I just told myself that every time I heard a noise from the party to relax deeper and deeper. Worked like a charm. I do the same thing for elevator noises and air conditioning in hotel rooms and for my husband's occasional snoring.

Anyway, I just wanted to share these examples with you because I think that hypnobirthing has an impact far beyond labor and delivery-it is truly a valuable life skill!
-Christine

Thanks, Christine, for sharing that! HypnoBirthing is a childbirth education class, but it was developed to be used more as a philosophy than just a class by Marie Mongan 20 years ago.

I know that several former HypnoBirthing clients (moms, dads & partners) have reported that listening to the Rainbow Relaxation CD after the baby arrives helps them get more restful sleep & helps the mom relax while breastfeeding, which also helps with milk letdown.

www.AWellLivedLife.Net
www.AWellLivedLife.blogspot.com

Where do babies come from?

Last night I dreamt that a stork came to my front door with a baby all for me. I woke up with a sigh, thinking if only it could be that easy.... 

I would open the door, take that beautiful baby in my arms, bend down to thank the kind stork and stroke his head before he turned and flew away - leaving me and my little bundle of joy to get to know each other better. Maybe I had this dream because I watched Dumbo too many times when I was a kid, or maybe my parents told me the stork story a little too often, or maybe it's because Marrakech is stork city.

There is always a stork-reminder (Aha!). They nest on every roof, in every tree and even on the minarets of mosques. They fly overhead in great flocks, with their unmistakable elongated necks and their huge black-tipped wings extended out wide as they glide around, circling the sky. Deciding on where to deliver the next baby bundle?

So if you are trying to decide Mr & Mrs Stork, Im just around the corner. Pick me!

My dream has also got me thinking about all the other tales parents tell when inevitably curious children ask 'Where do babies come from?' From the stork to the gooseberry bush to the cabbage patch. Of course it's all cutesy, sanitized stuff and with definitely less sperm and eggs to explain but.....

....I'd look under any gooseberry bush or in any cabbage patch in the world right now! And I'd open any file, use up all my band width and all my computer memory, if :

Because it's certainly a damn sight easier than this:

Any interesting tales you were told by your parents when you asked the inevitable? I'd love to know if there are different stories out there from other cultures around the world.