Feeling a little

Just one of those days.

Appointments

I have them! Lots of them! Next week I have an appointment with two doctors. Both with different approaches to medicine and health and both probably not given the time of day by conventional health practitioners. I am really excited about the amount of testing they will do, as it will be so extensive that if anything is not right, I'm confident it will be diagnosed. This is what we need. When it comes to my health and fertility I don't want to play guessing games anymore. What I needz is information!

The first doctor is Dr. Shohet who practices functional medicine and kinesiology. My mum recommended him - apparently he has an amazing success rate with IF - and since my mum (who is a nutritional therapist) suspects I have a copper toxicity problem this would be the doctor to identify it and treat it. Copper toxicity is really interesting, when I read the profile of a copper toxic person I felt like I ticked all the boxes. The main problem with copper toxicity is that too much copper stops you absorbing zinc, which as I'm sure most are aware, plays a central role in fertility well-being. So it doesn't matter how much zinc is in my diet, I won't be absorbing it, which of course would have all sorts of repercussions. So it will be interesting to see what Dr. Shohet has to say about all that, plus anything else he might find in me or Mr. T.

The following day we are off to see Dr. Gorgy at the Fertility & Gynecology Academy. Dr. Gorgy follows the Dr. Beer approach to immunologic infertility (see the book in the previous post). A friend of mine had an appointment with him this Summer so I am fully aware of what to expect. An hour of going over our case history (I have already started gathering all of our paperwork and test results together), followed by an internal exam and extensive blood work. Dr. Gorgy tests for EVERYTHING. My friend had 15 vials of blood taken and so did her husband. I phoned my insurance company and thank GOD, they are paying for the consultation and all the tests. The consultation is 'only' 120 pounds (US$ 184) but the tests will come to around 2000 pounds (US $ 3071). Ouch. Pretty much all the blood gets sent off to Chicago and some others go to Greece, apparently these two labs are the only ones that do this kind of testing. I have to say my insurance company have really been paying out since we started TTC (and so have we when they wouldn't cover it). Though they have made it clear they won't pay for any treatment that may be required once the test results come through. Ugh. So I guess we'll cross that bridge when/if we come to it.

My idea is to get as much information from both doctors as possible, with their different perspectives, when the test results come in we'll know what we're dealing with and then reflect on how to move forward. A little nervous about finding something serious that prevents us moving forward as if it's something that requires an expensive and/or invasive treatment I know I will refuse. But I'm NOT gonna think about the what ifs now - just gonna focus on the appointments themselves and getting as much out of them as I can.

Plus my skillful planner side has come leaping out and I have peppered our flying IF investigations visit to the UK with appointments for other exciting things! Like our bed. Our first bed that is really and truly ours! Since we are in the process of building our first home (more on this soon), I have been doing lots of research (particularly after I lost the baby) into toxic chemicals especially ones found in the home. Apparently most beds and mattresses (let alone sheets, towels and furniture fabrics) off gas dangerous chemicals such as formaldehyde, which is a known carcinogen and mutagenic (i.e causes birth defects). Along with a whole host of other dangerous chemicals (or VOCs, volatile organic compounds). Now not wanting to go majorly overboard here, I selected a few items in our new home that because of the frequency of contact and prolonged use should be as non-toxic as possible. These include our bed, mattress, sheets, towels, wall-paint and carpet. I have managed to find companies that produce organic and/or non-toxic furnishings and paint for the home. It is really amazing what is out there and what people are coming up with. So I am going to try out the bed and mattress we have picked out from this very cool company called Abaca (check them out!), also I get to look through all the organic fabrics to choose one for our headboard which will be made at Harlands Organic Furnishings, then I get to test the carpet for our bedroom from Alternative Flooring (I have chosen this pure wool one in Seashell, so soft!). Also I will pick up all our tester pots of paint from this amazing company called Ecos - their paints are the only ones in the EU that are entirely non-toxic and formaldehyde free. They even have paints that actually purify the air by absorbing the toxic chemicals in your home, how amazing is that! And a paint that absorbs electro magnetic radiation too! No-way dude.... but yes. I have learned so much about the alternatives and the dirty truth of what is in our standard paints and furnishings it's a little scary.

So all in all it will definitely be an information-filled trip - I'll probably be suffering from information overload by the end of it. But really. Really, really. In the end all I want from it is to hear that every thing's okay and that I will have a baby. But I suppose only a fortune-teller can tell me that. And I don't have an appointment with one of those.

Slight Change of Plan

After my last post on Sunday morning, I got out of bed and quickly found myself feeling dizzy with all of my limbs aching and I was having difficulty moving around. I got back into bed complaining of everything feeling tired, me, my body, everything felt exhausted. I fell back to sleep for another 6 hours. I woke up and still felt crap. The next morning the same thing but not as acute. Anyway it turns out I had severe menstrual fatigue.

Menstrual fatigue is caused by low levels of hormones. I went to the doctor and found that my blood pressure was also on the low side too at 100/60. So he prescribed some Arginine to boost my energy levels, and it's been working, so I'm feeling better. But. I am now really concerned as to why that happened in the first place. So instead of attacking this cycle with clomid and an IUI, as planned (I even have the clomid in my handbag at this very moment) I want to do some more investigations into my general health and also the possible reasons why I miscarried, before embarking on any TTC hoopla.

Two things happened that made me change my mind about this cycle. The first was the menstrual fatigue and what might be interfering with my hormone levels - several tests to be done there. The second was a book a friend gave me called 'Is your body baby friendly?' by Dr. Alan Beer, which looks at immunological disorders as causes for miscarriage and unexplained infertility. Yes, Dr. Beer's approach is controversial among some circles but after reading the arguments it makes a lot of sense to me. And what I love is that this is the first Dr. I have come across who really gets what I'm going through - the pain, the distress, the hopelessness - but also the respect he has for the women who have been through IF hell and become experts in their own right and who often know more about their own fertility than the doctors treating them.

There is a part in the book which really really struck a chord with me:

The words "unexplained", "nothing more than chance" and "bad luck" are not consistent with medical terminology that is used to describe the majority of health disorders. This lottery language makes losing a baby sound like an accidental catastrophe: an indiscriminate and random act, like being struck by lightning or hit by a bus. Why, when we are dealing with the loss of a life and the utter devastation this creates, is the use of such words acceptable in modern medical practice? Beyond this, why does there seem to be little interest in finding out what exactly could be causing so many pregnancies to fail?

One woman recalling the events surrounding her miscarriage commented, "I wish when we lost our first baby, we could have had quick and easy testing that told us what went wrong. Then we could have done something that would have prevented it from happening again. But that's not the way it works. Sometimes the only way to know there is a problem for sure is to lose another baby. I hate that and am troubled by the practice."'

After my silent miscarriage and the chemical pregnancy, I know I really couldn't face another - so why not get tested? Then at least if there was anything I could get it fixed sooner rather than later and if there isn't then my mind would be somewhat at ease if I were to get pg again. It is insane if you think about it, that you are forced to have 3 miscarriages before they will even begin to consider something might be wrong. I am definitely saying NO to that.

The book is amazing and I have already read nearly 70 pages today. One thing that stood out for me and that has really made me question and reflect a lot today is this sentence which Dr. Beer repeats throughout the book: 'The reproductive system is incredibly overbuilt for success and when it fails, something is surely wrong.' Not that a miscarriage is bad luck but that there is something wrong and it needs to be investigated. Very far away from the 'just try again and hope for the best' mantra I am constantly being fed.

Also while reading the book I was alerted to this: "Dr. Beer has found that adult-onset chicken pox and the Epstein Barr virus are among the worst offenders in causing immunologic infertility." I got chicken pox for the second time three years ago (I know that's meant to be impossible but it turns out not for me!) and so I really want to know if that has had any effect on my fertility. Maybe not, but already down this long IF journey I know it's worth looking under every stone as you never know what you might find (like Mr. T's varicocele). So it's a big step but I want to get to the bottom of things as soon as possible before I continue on blindly. Will start organizing appointments tomorrow. Back in the driver's seat again. Let's see how far we get down the road this time.