After my last post on Sunday morning, I got out of bed and quickly found myself feeling dizzy with all of my limbs aching and I was having difficulty moving around. I got back into bed complaining of everything feeling tired, me, my body, everything felt exhausted. I fell back to sleep for another 6 hours. I woke up and still felt crap. The next morning the same thing but not as acute. Anyway it turns out I had severe menstrual fatigue.
Menstrual fatigue is caused by low levels of hormones. I went to the doctor and found that my blood pressure was also on the low side too at 100/60. So he prescribed some Arginine to boost my energy levels, and it's been working, so I'm feeling better. But. I am now really concerned as to why that happened in the first place. So instead of attacking this cycle with clomid and an IUI, as planned (I even have the clomid in my handbag at this very moment) I want to do some more investigations into my general health and also the possible reasons why I miscarried, before embarking on any TTC hoopla.
Two things happened that made me change my mind about this cycle. The first was the menstrual fatigue and what might be interfering with my hormone levels - several tests to be done there. The second was a book a friend gave me called 'Is your body baby friendly?' by Dr. Alan Beer, which looks at immunological disorders as causes for miscarriage and unexplained infertility. Yes, Dr. Beer's approach is controversial among some circles but after reading the arguments it makes a lot of sense to me. And what I love is that this is the first Dr. I have come across who really gets what I'm going through - the pain, the distress, the hopelessness - but also the respect he has for the women who have been through IF hell and become experts in their own right and who often know more about their own fertility than the doctors treating them.
There is a part in the book which really really struck a chord with me:
The words "unexplained", "nothing more than chance" and "bad luck" are not consistent with medical terminology that is used to describe the majority of health disorders. This lottery language makes losing a baby sound like an accidental catastrophe: an indiscriminate and random act, like being struck by lightning or hit by a bus. Why, when we are dealing with the loss of a life and the utter devastation this creates, is the use of such words acceptable in modern medical practice? Beyond this, why does there seem to be little interest in finding out what exactly could be causing so many pregnancies to fail?
One woman recalling the events surrounding her miscarriage commented, "I wish when we lost our first baby, we could have had quick and easy testing that told us what went wrong. Then we could have done something that would have prevented it from happening again. But that's not the way it works. Sometimes the only way to know there is a problem for sure is to lose another baby. I hate that and am troubled by the practice."'
After my silent miscarriage and the chemical pregnancy, I know I really couldn't face another - so why not get tested? Then at least if there was anything I could get it fixed sooner rather than later and if there isn't then my mind would be somewhat at ease if I were to get pg again. It is insane if you think about it, that you are forced to have 3 miscarriages before they will even begin to consider something might be wrong. I am definitely saying NO to that.
The book is amazing and I have already read nearly 70 pages today. One thing that stood out for me and that has really made me question and reflect a lot today is this sentence which Dr. Beer repeats throughout the book: 'The reproductive system is incredibly overbuilt for success and when it fails, something is surely wrong.' Not that a miscarriage is bad luck but that there is something wrong and it needs to be investigated. Very far away from the 'just try again and hope for the best' mantra I am constantly being fed.
Also while reading the book I was alerted to this: "Dr. Beer has found that adult-onset chicken pox and the Epstein Barr virus are among the worst offenders in causing immunologic infertility." I got chicken pox for the second time three years ago (I know that's meant to be impossible but it turns out not for me!) and so I really want to know if that has had any effect on my fertility. Maybe not, but already down this long IF journey I know it's worth looking under every stone as you never know what you might find (like Mr. T's varicocele). So it's a big step but I want to get to the bottom of things as soon as possible before I continue on blindly. Will start organizing appointments tomorrow. Back in the driver's seat again. Let's see how far we get down the road this time.
