Two New Mamas

It's been over a month since I last posted but I know you understand. I have had my hands rather full of baby and everything that baby produces.... I also wanted to fully immerse myself in her - just totally give my time and my focus so I could get to know her and just enjoy these all too fleeting newborn moments. But I missed posting. And I kept thinking up ideas for new posts that I promised myself I would eventually get round to. That's when I realized a lot of what I wanted to write about I already had, with another new mama.

My Gorgeous Friend had an adorable baby girl about a month after Beanie Bu was born. Our communication started off just as congratulations for our new arrivals and then just like that we were emailing back and forth about our baby experiences, how we were feeling and how we were adapting. I've been in contact with a lot of friends who are experienced mamas but there was something about talking with someone who is living what you are at the same time as you are. There's an immediate connection and understanding. So I thought sharing some excerpts of our emails would be an interesting way of showing you what life's been like for two new mamas.

It starts with Gorgeous Friend emailing first:

Born today after 36 hours of labour, weighing 8.9lbs. She is pretty magical and currently sleeping in Daddy’s arms.

I love her name! Can't wait to see pics... you did it mama. And boy did you do it! Respect xxx

Despite the pain I think it was undoubtedly the best experience of my life, totally rocked my whole world...

Found it really moving that you said it was the best experience of your life - not sure I felt the same, I think I felt total shock! If you have some time I wrote my birth story but be warned it is no holds barred, so probably best not to read it while you're eating ;)

I look forward to hearing all about yours - I would really recommend you write it down, very cathartic and good to look back on in the years to come.

Just read your birth story - incredible, so moving. I ended up being really high risk as blood press shot up super high for the whole labour and the waters had meconium in them. Had an epidural after 30 hours but managed to get her out without intervention which made me so so happy. The epi only worked on half of one side so I could feel the contractions there and knew when to push, which was important in the end. Had a witches coven of incredible midwives, one of whom had delivered 1000 babies herself. At one point a doctor came in with the ventouse and they just started shouting "come on, push! We won't let him near you!" wonderful. She came out in a rush 2 minutes before they were going to intervene (I only had a limited time because of the BP.) Anyway, horribly painful and exhilarating all at once. Yours sounded pretty extraordinary and I think you're so brave.

Wow good on you and your midwives for beating the ventouse! Sounds really incredible and that you had an amazing group of midwives around you. I love the feeling of all the women coming together as support and encouragement - im sure it's a rare thing in today's modern birthing environment.

Beanie Bu has just gotten over a bad spell of colic - it lasted three days, the infa.col didn't seem to be working but now has started to and we had our first day yesterday with no colic pains and she is back to her happy self. So heart breaking when she was crying..

You're probably living on another planet right now... life without normal routine and other daily markers is a very strange experience indeed.

After two days of bliss (her sleeping for three hours in the day and five at night and feeding like a dream) things have gone a bit awry with her now wanting to "cluster feed" (as I learned it was called today) every hour or so and she just vomited her entire last feed which really scared me. Did Bu ever do that? She's sleeping now, poor girl.

Glad that the colic episode has cleared up and that it wasn't too long. Gosh, can't wait to pick your brain about stuff! The whole loss of routine thing is totally, totally bizarre. Actually, I think I might find it the hardest part. I keep thinking "I must be doing... something normal - like working or shopping or having lunch out, seeing people..." and then I realised (having dipped for the first time into my baby book) that these are such precious and I guess relatively short-lived moments, when it's all about feeding, just the two of you. And so I've resolved to just sink myself deeply into it, let go of everything else and do whatever makes her happy.

Anyway, better go as she's going to want eating soon - I can hear her smacking her lips!

Ah the joys of cluster feeding! So exhausting :s Thankfully Bu has only done it twice so far... and after a while when I can't go on anymore, Mr. T takes her for a walk in the sling to distract her for a bit and I crash until they come back - this happened on our 8 year anniversary of when we met and I told him the hour sleep he gave me was the best anniversary present I ever had!!

She usually cluster feeds in the evening now just before bedtime, I figure this is her way of getting a full tummy before her night sleep. And yes she has spit up or rather exorcist style puked up entire feeds… i found that keeping her torso elevated after feeds rather than lying down flat kept more down. Though she still manages to spit up a lot....

Nice to cocoon yourself after the birth - it feels like you should do stuff because you get bursts of energy, but the most helpful thing I read was that this energy is meant to be saved not spent. And there is plenty of time after to meet people etc.. and soon enough a loose routine emerges, though it's nothing like the life we knew before!! I know every baby and every family is different but for Bu and I, our routine worked out around the 3^rd week and it's been evolving and solidifying since. Our really important times are the afternoon nap between 12-3 (though she has lots of cat naps before and after) but this is the time I sleep too, and then the long night sleep between 10-3am and then 4-6/7am. Our mornings are the busiest with lots of feeds, poops and play time all happening interspersed with cat naps before our long afternoon nap which I really need by then!

Wow, sounds like you're in an amazing routine already. 10-3 and 4-6 is fantastic! I hope we can get there soon. Had small meltdown yesterday when she just wouldn't settle and I ended up feeding her pretty much for two hours, which then made me worry that I'm not producing enough milk, which is why she's not settling and feeding for so long. It's so hard to tell and I'm probably making it worse by eating not as much as I should perhaps because of tiredness and worry.

Glad that the projectile vomiting is normal and thank you for tip about keeping her upright, will do that.

I'm sure you're producing plenty of milk - if your boobs drip or leak at times, then you definitely are. She's probably just preparing for a growth spurt so she's placing her order with your brain for increased milk supply in the days ahead. I have had quite a few meltdowns - it just gets to a point when you are too frazzled to go on... that's when i find a sling comes in handy! She protests for a few mins then soon falls asleep, as babies less than 1 month (usually!) cannot keep awake with motion. Though it's best if Mr. T does it as if she is still close to my chest, the lure of the milk makes it harder to settle.

Sleeping and eating are so difficult when you don't get a moment to yourself, and yet it's so important... grrr... i have kept up with my prenatal vitamins, as they help with the quality of the milk too. And when people come to visit us I always ask them to bring food!! Ha ha ha! It's the best gift they could offer at this point! Though with the sling and her getting into more of a routine I have managed to tentatively do some cooking - even a chocolate cake which I was most proud of and *sheepishly* ate most of.... though i didn't lift a finger for the first two weeks, just totally impossible.

Thanks for the reassurance on the whole boob thing. I am definitely leaking, so I guess that's a good sign. I'm actually going to start expressing one bottle a day so that Daddy can feed her and she gets used to being bottle fed early on so no traumas later. Trying to figure out how / when to do that now... It's so much more complicated than you imagine it to be, but she more than makes up for it. I am totally totally smitten by her - more than I expected to be so early on - and Daddy is just as in love, more so even!

Hope the passport application is done quickly for you. How was the photo drama? I could not get Bu to stop lifting her hands up into the picture and then she fell fast asleep... but we managed to get one photo of her eyes half open but looking to the side and we got one full face looking forward but with eyes closed. We showed them both to the Brit Embassy and they took the eyes half open picture - where she looks drugged!

I'm very proud as we have just done our first spot of mummy baby yoga! She only managed 5 mins before she fell asleep though :) So I continued on my own... wow my body feels totally unfamiliar! Everything feels out of place and like it needs to be realigned, so glad I can finally get back into it as normal yoga is out of bounds for first 6 weeks after birth apparently, so I just started back today with gentle postnatal yoga. I feel like there's a long road ahead....

Anyway I also plan to start pumping a few bottles of milk so Mr. T can connect with Bu this way.. he has been out of it a bit and so as a result doesn't feel so confident with her. We've decided to introduce Daddy mornings/afternoons next week, and he is a little apprehensive about it, I can tell. I was told to hold off on the bottle until at least 6 weeks so that BF is really well established and there is no nipple confusion... don't know if that's important info for you, but I decided to wait until then before giving her the bottle. And then with her colic episode I've decided to wait a bit longer. So at 8 weeks, Mr. T is going to get his first full on morning with her - it really is her best time and i feel bad for him as he always misses out on these magic moments I have with her. I plan on making myself scarce so he doesn't feel like I am watching how he is with her and he can be free to explore things that work for him. And hopefully we can move up into a whole Daddy day once a week... then i can do all the things I am desperate to do - straighten hair, pedicure, leg wax... ahh bliss!

P.S Bu had a crying fit of 20 mins last night, not sure if it was colic or because I accidentally scratched her with my fingernail (how evil did I feel?), but she produced real tears for the first time! Which I have to say made it worse!! Seeing those little wet cheeks... i think a little piece of my heart actually broke off. Sigh.

Gosh, the passport thing! I was really nervous because she hates being woken up from a sleep and after a feed she's pretty much out like a light but we managed to wheel her very fast to the photo place and she was all swaddled up so just stared angelically at the camera (I think she's a bit of a diva) and that was that! Not what I expected.

Well done you for starting with the whole yoga and baby yoga thing - you're like a super mum! Haven't started thinking about exercise yet - not sure where to find the time. I feel like my days go by in a blur of eating and nappies and burping and then trying to catch an hour or two of sleep and then it starts all over again.

We just had a maternity nurse over for the day, who was amazing - she's helped loads of friends and also my sister. She's given us a whole routine, which seems perhaps a bit much after only 10 days, but I think maybe worth giving it a go as I'm really keen for her to be a good sleeper. Where did you get your routine from? Was it Jane or did Bu naturally fall into it?

So, we've already started on the bottles. In hospital I had to top her up with formula because of the light treatment for her jaundice (they have to eat and eat and eat when having it) and she cup fed for that, which she was amazingly good at. Now we do one bottle of formula a night, which Daddy gives her. Sometimes she hates it and just wants boob, sometimes (usually when it's the middle of the night) she happily guzzles 3oz and passes out. I was in a real dilemma about a) using a bottle from so early and b) using formula, but I know lots of people who've split it and it seems to be good to help with the whole transition to formula and bottle once you stop breastfeeding. I will start expressing (when my bloody pump arrives) though and we'll probably use more breastmilk from the bottle than formula then (unless I'm running low at the end of the day and she needs a top up). All seems very confusing, but just trying to muddle through and keep her as peaceful and happy as possible.

P.S from your photos it looks like Bu sleeps ALL the time! Is that the case??

No definitely not! It only takes a second to take a photo... and that's when i have time or someone else does to snap a pic!!

Basically Bu catnaps a lot. She has her main sleeps at night and then one 3 hour nap in the middle of the day and either side of that she catches naps that can last 5 mins to 45 mins... there's no pattern to it and I would rather let her go with the flow... if she needs to sleep then I let her sleep. Unless we are getting close to nap time then i try to keep her awake until then. However this won't always be the case as little by little I try to introduce a bit more structure, so eventually there should be more of a routine to this. But I don't want to start too young and I basically let her lead how the routine will go. So if I see there's a certain time she usually likes to feed or sleep or is awake and wants to be entertained then I try and remember it and copy that every day to reinforce it. But don't worry as I had absolutely no routine at all until the 3rd week and then it was more trial and error, I kept a notebook and tried to write down any patterns I saw. Sometimes this was hilarious as I would write 10.30am Asleep, 10.35am Awake, Fed, Changed, 11.00am Asleep, 11.15am Awake and on and on!! But there were some useful patterns, ones that I thought worked for both her and me and so I tried to repeat those. I also only focused on certain sections of the day and night at the beginning - so night time came first, then the mid day cat nap and now I am working on a morning routine. Lots of observation and patience! And I also have to remember to be fluid the routine will change as she does.

The one thing that has really helped me into the whole observation thing is something called Elimination Communication. Basically it's a natural toilet training alternative.. you can check it out online.. but because I have been observing Bu's times and cues for when she wants to poo, it has helped me to naturally observe her other patterns too. Now I know always when she is going to poo and so we have been catching them in a potty outside of her nappy (or on the changing mat if I can't get to the potty fast enough!! Btw our potty is just a tupperware container - small enough for her little bottom!) A lot of people don't start EC until later - but I loved the idea of observing my baby and developing this kind of communication early on, and over time it became so clear that she would poo at certain times (always during a feed for her!) I also got a book called Diaper-Free baby which is all about EC and they gave some really good clues about when newborns usually do a poo. So I built her routine around this.

I would love to know more about the maternity nurse - im sure she was a treasure of information! So do please share any tips you thought were really useful. Which breast pump did you get? I started to use mine without reading the instructions first - Doh! - not the best idea!! Nipple went into a very weird shape :s

Finding time for exercise is extremely difficult. But dont worry as they dont advise you doing anything until 6 weeks anyway, except for simple pelvic floor squeezes which I did while feeding (when I remembered!). And now I only get 15 or 20 mins of exercise anyway, which is enough for the moment... it's so hard to find a time when she is going to stay a sleep and I don't need to do something else or have just eaten and so have a full belly. But patience, patience... i'll figure it out somehow!

so, breast pump... I have to say, just expressing for two bottles'worth a day (which is what I'm doing) I would find exhausting and way too time consuming doing it manually. The electric pump takes 15-20 mins to do 5oz and you can just sit there and do emails or watch TV while it's happening. It's so much more efficient. I know it's a lot of money but if you're planning on expressing regularly for a long period of time, I think it's worth it. God, I sound like a cheap saleswoman, don't I? Anyway, absolutely no rush in deciding and if you're happy with the manual, stick with it!

Thanks for thinking of us for the breast pump - I may be interested... I have been pumping milk this week with my Medela manual and we are going to start with the bottle tomorrow as part of 'Daddy mornings' if all goes well and she has no problem with the bottle then I might want to get an electrical one. So.. can you give me a couple of days to let you know?

Really looking forward to seeing you three again, will be nice to hang out with people who are going thru what we are too!

P.S I went for my 6 week check up and Dr. B asked, so in 6 months you will be trying again? I was like WTF?? No!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 2 years maybe!!!

Forgot to say good luck with the daddy morning! Daddy N and Baby Girl absolutely adore their feeding time together - so magical to see and so special for them. Daddy N is also an absolute genius with burping! Can't believe Dr. B was talking about more babies!! Daddy N brought it up yesterday - "so, in 9 months' time shall we try again?" I nearly smacked him.

Well Daddy morning wasn't a complete success... Bu did not like the bottle experience! We tried a number of things... different positions, different teats but when I saw it becoming too distressing we stopped. I tried later on when she was in the car seat and she did suck a couple of times but still did not look impressed and soon pushed it out of her mouth.

I have since come up with a new plan! I'm going to leave the room, so she can't see or smell me, and let my mum try feeding her with a bottle when she's not very hungry, like it's a treat, and see how she feels... I think it's best if my mum does it first as Mr T gets disheartened quickly and well my mum's done it all before... so we'll see how it goes. So for the time being I'm going to stick with the manual as I am only expressing 50ml a day which takes just a few mins... but thanks for thinking of me! I may regret the decision later on... if she does start drinking from the bottle well but I just can't imagine it at the moment.

I'm sorry that Daddy morning didn't work out - yet. It will, I'm sure, you just need to persevere and I think really good idea to have your mum do it and also not be there.

It's really hard (and upsetting) when they don't like the bottle and I had a real panic today with Daddy N gone as it was the first time I gave her the bottle since the first time I tried and she had a complete meltdown. It is massively confusing for them, it seems, but she thankfully did take it from me (I wore several layers and didn't look her in the eye!) so if she'll do that then Bu will definitely take it from Mr. T eventually. Tell him not to be disheartened - I know how he feels, but it's so worth it and so worth keeping trying.

We have finally booked out flights back. Am so, so excited. Cannot wait to be home and to see you guys and everyone else, who we've missed so much!

Daddy N is there now - in a whirlwind of cot buying and tumble dryer buying and nappies and everything that we don't have. All we have is a steriliser so the house is totally unprepared for Baby Girl, but we're getting there. I am a sucker for having her in bed with us (and always take her in in the afternoons for serious snuggle time) but I do want her to learn to sleep by herself and I also find it really hard sleeping with her snuffly noises, which either break my heart or make me worry...

Conversations to be continued....

A HypnoBirthing story--Kirstin & Joe

Kirstin & Joe took my HypnoBirthing classes in February 2011 on Thursday nights at Dr. Biter & Dr. Cobb's OB/GYN office, Seaside Women's Health in Encinitas, CA. Here is their birth story.



Kirstin, Joe & Declan’s Hypnobirth Story



My husband, Joe and I did the Balloon Trip Fear Release HypnoBirthing script the evening of April 27th, as we were 2 days away from my estimated date and we were anxious for our little guy to arrive. My water broke that night at 1:30am- my surges were mild and about 10 minutes apart at this time. I called Dr. Biter and our doula at 5am, and we decided that I’d just eat some breakfast and try to rest until the surges got more intense (they were 7 minutes apart). Our doula suggested that I take a walk around 9 am, since the surges had decreased as I was resting. You can’t avoid walking hills at my house, so by the end of my 30 minute jaunt, labor was in full progress.



I got back to the house and needed Joe for each surge at this point. We had really wanted to labor at home as long as we could, so we headed to the bathroom and spent the next 3 hours between the bathtub and sitting on the toilet. We kept the Rainbow Relaxation and Affirmations CD on repeat in the background, which really helped set the tone. Joe also read some prompts that Carol included on our “cheat sheet.” I often started to draw my shoulders up with each surge and tense up my back- Joe kept repeating to count to 20 with each surge, keep my body relaxed and breathe with just my abdomen. The Opening Rose visualization during surges, and Instant Relaxation exercise in between surges were especially helpful during this time. We’d decided that our doula should come to our house and help us decide when to head to the hospital. She arrived within an hour, but by that time I’d already gone through transition (vomiting and sweats), and we made the decision shortly after her arrival. My surges were very intense and 3-4 minutes apart, and I knew we needed to get to the hospital.



We had the Rainbow Relaxation on during the 25-min. ride to Pomerado, which really helped me go into a deeper state of relaxation. My surges were VERY intense, and I wasn’t sure if we would make it, but I knew I had to relax into the labor at this point. By the time Joe pulled up to the hospital entrance, I had started feeling the urge to push. They got me up to my room in L& D, examined me and found out I was fully dilated. Dr. Cobb was on his way, and I really wanted to push, but we had to try to wait for him to get there. In the meantime, the Electric Fetal Monitor showed our baby’s heart rate was low, so I needed to have an oxygen mask. The nurse, however, kept repeating how urgent it was for the doctor to arrive because of the baby’s heartrate, which of course was alarming. Joe kept reminding me of my breathing and counting, which helped me to stay calm. Dr. Cobb then arrived and we were ready to push.



Dr. Cobb had to ask me to push not only with my surges, but also in between them, because he wanted to get the baby out as fast as possible due to the heart rate. Since I’d been diligent about perineal massage, I wasn’t scared at this point. After 35 minutes of our arrival to the hospital, which includes 11 minutes of pushing, our baby boy Declan arrived. I had a small tear which required two stitches, just because the doctor was working to help get Declan’s head out. He was, however, calm and alert upon his arrival.



After 13 hours, 6 of those being intense active labor, we experienced the labor and birth that we had envisioned and hoped for. No pain medications, no interventions, and laboring at home as long as possible (although we probably should have left a little earlier and give the doctor more time to get there!). While I do have a great maternal history of fast, unmedicated births, I feel we would not have achieved this end result without the use of Hypnobirthing. We’d made the commitment to the practice and it really paid off. With Joe’s support and use of hypnobirthing tools, I was able to go with labor rather than resist it, and will forever remember this incredible experience. Thank you to Carol, her great instruction, and the confidence she instilled in us!

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Congratulations Kirstin & Joe on the birth of Declan! Thank you so much for sharing your birth story & I hope you're enjoying parenthood!



For more information about HypnoBirthing classes in San Diego, CA, please visit Carol's website at www.AWellLivedLife.Net. For information about other practitioners in your area, please visit www.HypnoBirthing.com & go to the Find a Practitioner page.



For more information about Dr. Cobb & Dr. Biter's services, please call 760-642-0800.



For more information about Kirstin & Joe's doula, Jenna Anderson, please visit www.birthofadoula.blogspot.com.



www.AWellLivedLife.Net

www.AWellLivedLife.blogspot.com

Boobgate

This is how one of my friends referred to my mastitis incident – it was one of the few things that made me laugh at that time so I thought it was a good title for this post!

Bubba enjoying the boob.

I (and boob) are totally better now and breastfeeding is going well – though my brain has not quite adapted me to waking up in the middle of the night to feed baby and be a functioning adult at the same time. I am still a delirious zombie when woken between the hours of midnight and 6am (at one of my night feeds I was convinced there were two Mr.Ts in my room and much to Mr.T's confusion I kept asking for the other Mr. T to come and see me). Then there was Boobgate to add to all of the post birth healing. But before I get to the ‘Boobgate’ incident, I want to start at the beginning of my breastfeeding experience. This is a bit of a long-winded post but I thought this story might be useful and hopefully prevent anyone making the same mistake I did.

On the day Beanie Bu was born (I am now going to refer to Pebbles as Beanie Bu – this is her IRL nickname) Jane, my midwife, put her on to my breast to feed for the first time. I was surprised that it didn’t hurt at all and actually felt nice, plus it was the most incredible bonding experience between me and my new baby. After this 20 minute feed Beanie Bu did not want to eat for the rest of the day. I tried to get her to latch on, which she did, but she did not suck. Jane explained that a lot of newborns are not born hungry and that we should just give her time. She did one meconium explosion (I had no idea a tiny baby could contain so much in a her little belly) and I thought she would soon get hungry. But the next day she was still not wanting to feed. Jane came to see us and said we should really try and get her to feed as it had been 24 hours since her last. She said we were going to have to ‘bully’ her a little to get on to the breast. Jane held Beanie Bu’s head and my breast and gently got her to open her mouth wide and then latch on. Beanie Bu was very good at latching on but when she’d done that she would do nothing with it! She would just go back to sleep with my nipple in her mouth. We took off her clothes and we tickled her feet to try and get her to wake up, but she still would not suck. We must have tried to get her to suck for about half an hour. No joy, she was not cooperating. Jane said that sometimes babies can get in a downward spiral of drowsiness and not eating, which makes them more drowsy etc. She also wanted Beanie Bu to get the vitally important colostrum before my milk came in. So as Beanie Bu was not feeding, Jane decided we should drop my colostrum in her mouth with a syringe. She milked my breast (such a weird experience! We joked that it was a good thing Mr. T wasn’t filming this as no doubt it would be an internet sensation on some websites!) and she used the syringe to suck up the drops of colostrum that came out. She then gently squeezed them into Beanie Bu’s mouth making her use her tongue to lick the syringe. We did this over and over until we couldn’t get any more colostrum out of my breasts. And I am so grateful we did.

Colostrum has a natural laxative effect on babies so it helps them to expel all the meconium in their bowels. Maybe an hour or so after doing this Beanie Bu had another huge meconium explosium. And after this she became HUNGRY! So it was probably her full meconium belly that meant she had no appetite. I am so grateful to Jane for being there to help me through those beginning days as I think had I been on my own, I would have really worried that I was doing something wrong. That I didn’t have milk, that the latch wasn’t correct, that there was something wrong with my baby….endless worries that a new mother can easily become overwhelmed with. But having Jane there (who is also a lactation consultant as well as a midwife) was so helpful – I could just put my trust in her and that was invaluable. She stayed with me for 10 days after Beanie Bu was born and got me through the drama that lay ahead.

So Beanie Bu began to feed. And all went well. She latched on well, she fed well, (with a little encouragement from me squeezing and tickling her feet when she began to drop off to sleep, which she did every few minutes!) and all was happy in the Mummy-Baby-Milk-Love circle. My milk came in and my breasts became swollen and really really hot, they leaked everywhere but again Jane reassured me that with feeding and a little time they would soon settle down. I used cold compresses to cool them down, cabbage leaves from the fridge for relief and when it got too much I would stand under a hot shower and massage my breasts to let some of the milk run out.

I experimented with different feeding positions as I could feel there were some hard lumps where a milk duct had become blocked, so we did the cross feed hold, the cradle hold, the underarm hold (which was great for blocked ducts, as they always seem to come on the outer side of my breasts) and the side lying position. I especially love the side lying position at night. Baby feeds while we are both lying down so she can just drift off to sleep when she is finished and so can I. When she is done I gently remove my breast from her mouth, shift back a little to give her more space and we both drift off into a beautiful and much needed sleep. (Last night she gave me 5 hours of sleep in one stretch! From midnight to 5am before she needed her next change and feed, thank you Beanie Bu!!) But as much as I love this position it was in this position that I did something stupid and really really paid for it after.

I wanted to feed Beanie Bu and have a nap after. I was super tired. My breasts were still engorged from my milk coming in but were starting to get better. I decided that I wanted to elevate Beanie Bu a little and since she had peed on her lambskin, I took out the wool mattress from her moses basket. This is quite thick and firm. So while we did our side lying feed the outer side of my right breast was pressed hard against this firm mattress. When I had finished feeding I lifted myself off the mattress and the pain start spreading across that side of my breast. Oh that was a stupid thing to do, I thought, well I won’t be doing that again. And I thought nothing more of it. Now that day would have to be the day I chose to do my first socializing. Beanie Bu was just 6 days old and we had organized a reunion dinner for my birthing team that evening at our house. I should have suspected something was wrong when I started to feel a little peaky. But I dismissed it as just as tiredness. I started feeling really ill during the dinner. But I again I dismissed as just tiredness and I excused myself and went to take a bath with Beanie Bu.

She does love bath time.

I was in the bath with Beanie Bu floating around and feeling more relaxed, when Beanie Bu decided to do a poo. I know breastfed baby poo is not like normal poo so I wasn’t totally freaked out, but my tears had not yet healed and my lady bits still felt very sore so I wanted to get out of the bath quick. I called out for some help but no one heard me. I couldn’t lean over the bath as I was frightened I would hurt my breasts again and so I decided to get out myself holding Beanie Bu. As I got out of the bath I began to shake uncontrollably. Like I was freezing. But it must have been at least 28C in the room. I was so terrified as I felt like I was going to drop her and I was in total shock at my body’s reaction. I placed Beanie Bu on a towel on the floor – convinced she was freezing too but I couldn’t do anything about it as I was shaking so much. I began to sob and made my way to the door – naked, wet and crying, calling for help – my mum heard me and came in. I somewhat hysterically asked her to look after the baby, that we were freezing and that I couldn’t stop shaking. My mum went to Beanie Bu and reassured me that she was fine, that she wasn’t cold – that it was me who was sick, not her. She got me to sit down as I cried my heart out, mostly out of shock and fear for my baby. Jane came in and gave me a great big hug. She asked me about my symptoms, I explained to her about the shaking, the fever, the achiness all over my body and she felt my lower abdomen and ruled out an infection there. I told her about what I had done to my breast that afternoon and how it was aching now – she was sure that one of the alveoli (the sacs that hold the milk) had burst and the milk had gone into my breast tissue. As the milk is not meant to be in the breast tissue the body goes into shock and you get fever etc. Jane explained that one of the most common misconceptions about mastitis is that it is an infection – it is not. It is an inflammation, which CAN eventually lead to infection requiring antibiotics, but at this stage I was dealing with inflammation so no antibiotics were needed. What I needed was plenty of rest and to get the milk to move through the breast. That night Mr. T said he would sleep in the living room with Beanie Bu and only bring her to me when she needed feeding.

As I was sweating and shaking so much Jane suggested I take some paracetamol to take the fever down so I could sleep. I was in so much pain and so tired that I agreed (I haven’t taken any painkillers in the last 3 years). She reassured me that it wouldn’t affect my milk or the baby. And oh did I sleep! Mr. T came in with Beanie Bu a couple of times for a feed, which my swollen breasts were very grateful for! When I awoke in the morning my breasts were still sore, particularly the right one, but I wasn’t aching anymore. I spent the day in bed resting as much as I could, I couldn’t do much as bending down or stretching my arms really increased the pain in my breasts. So I needed everyone else to change her, to get me food and drink, to comfort her and to put her to sleep. That night I couldn’t sleep as my brain was racing – I felt so guilty for not being able to take care of my baby, I was angry at myself for damaging my breast and getting myself into this situation – I couldn’t believe I had got mastitis, WTF?? I skipped reading that part of the breastfeeding book as I was like yeah, that will never happen to me!

I had the aircon on and the fan directed at me but I was still lying in so much sweat, the fever had come back, and I just couldn’t sleep even though I was exhausted. The only thing that made me relax and eventually fall asleep was when Mr. T came in and put his arms around me – I hadn’t realized how much I had missed his touch, his affection, it seemed like ages since we had any physical contact and it instantly relaxed me and allowed me to sleep. Even mothers need cuddles I realized!

The next day I was feeling better but the breast was still very painful. So on lovely TCM lady’s suggestion I started using hot castor oil compresses – these were amazing and I believe they sped up the healing process significantly. Apparently castor oil actually penetrates the lymphatic tissue and so helps the breast to heal faster. But another drama lay ahead. I had been feeding Beanie Bu as much as I could on the right breast to keep the milk moving and get rid of the swelling though I was careful to also give her the left one so that didn’t become engorged too. But that evening I put her on my right breast, she began to suck and then pulled away and started screaming. I tried again and again but she just kept getting upset. At first I thought something was wrong with her, so I tried my left and she was fine. She began sucking and was immediately contented. So something was wrong with my right breast – did the milk taste bad? I turned to my breastfeeding bible –

And read that when your breasts are really engorged you can have a slow let down, so baby gets frustrated that the milk is not coming down quickly enough. What could I do? This was the breast that I really needed her to drink from, if the milk didn’t move it would get even worse. So I knew I had to pump. After we managed to figure out how the pump actually worked (this involved me, Mr. T, my mum and my dad!) I began to pump my breast – I really did feel like a cow. It took quite a while before any milk came so I could see why Beanie Bu had gotten so upset. I was trying so hard with the pump the handle came off in my hand. It would have been funny if I wasn't so exasperated. Mr. T took over, sorted out the pump and pumped my breast, while I weeped silently out of frustration and pain. Finally the milk started to flow and it was amazing to see how fast it actually does flow out. Oh the relief was immediate! Jane had counseled me against pumping for relief from engorgement as that would only make the problem worse later on, as it would tell my brain to produce even more milk. But I felt that I had no choice at this point as baby would not drink from it. So as a compromise I decided to pump only a small amount to get the flow going and then allow Beanie Bu to try drink from me again. And thank God this worked!

So now Boobgate is over. My breast is finally healed and I have learnt a very painful lesson. Today Beanie Bu is 3 weeks old and we are having a wonderful time together. She amazes me every day. Yesterday she was staring at Mr. T and he stuck out his tongue at her and then she did the same thing back at him and then, I swear to God, she let out a little laugh! It was incredible, we called my mum to see, and she did it again! She is totally awesome... I know you will agree.