After we consumed our fill, we lay down under the olive trees and my husband rested his head on my lap. We started talking, as we often do, of the future - our future home, our future family.
The tears came. Not because I was sad. I was happy. It's a beautiful dream. But they came out of frustration and a sense of injustice. Nothing is fair in this infertility jungle. That sense of unfairness builds in me so strong sometimes, I get angry. We have so much love to give, we are ready NOW. Yet we must wait. I have to be patient. So after our 2 month break is up, I have to believe it will happen. But what if? What if it doesn't? I asked my husband.
Today we vowed that come the end of this year, come no joyous news, no double pink lines, we will go the adoption route. We decided we want children in our lives, that's the end goal. If we can't create any.... then we should give our love to children who need it. It's a big decision. But I feel at peace with it. I think. I can live with never being pregnant, never knowing what it's like to give birth, never to breast feed a child? Can't I?
