Half the time I'm convinced I'm relaxed about not getting pregnant anytime soon, that I'm ready just to focus on my child-'free' life and enjoy all that comes with it: going out in the evening at a moment's notice, focusing on work and just being happy with it being 'just the two of us'. The other half of the time getting pregnant, being pregnant is all I can think about, I over-analyze everything: Is Mr. T doing enough exercise, are we taking our vitamins, is there anything else we should be doing? Oh my God, I have to get pregnant or else I will just just..... what will I just? Nothing. Life will go on. And then I realize it is useless trying to control it and getting desperate about it. So I decide to give up.
Yeah, for all of about an hour.
How do I do this? Shall I just keep on with the trying not to think about it, even if that's what I am doing pretty much every waking hour and then also for most of my sleeping hours too? Does anyone have any tips? EEK! And the holidays are just around the corner, which I love spending with my family, but always makes me pine all the more. The emptiness is always more visceral over the holidays. And then new years... another year over, with no baby news, no motherhood for me, no additions to 'just the two of us'. I'm not doing too well at being relaxed and the whole que sera sera attitude, am I?
If there was some medication for a crazy IF lady who has four heads and is not sure which one she is inhabiting at any given moment, I could really do with a large dose right now.
