Whoa. I was so not expecting some of the comments I got on my last post. But you know I am all about positive criticism and always listening to someone else's point of view. After all there are always many perspectives on things.
I got some criticism for the way I phrased my maybe FB announcement. Some felt that I was brushing our IUI and Mr. T's embolization under the carpet. And in all honesty yes I am in this context. I did/do not want to really go into detail on FB public, I just wanted it known that we had been dealing with an IF diagnosis but had reached success in the end and then if anyone wanted to know more they could get in touch and then on a one to one basis I would be happy to go into detail. I just feel that I am not comfortable with putting too much detail out there so publicly. It's different on a blog - I have no last name, no face - on FB everything is public and there are some people I do not want knowing all the details, for whatever particular personal reason I have. So that's why. I am not ashamed. I am not ashamed of our IUI or Mr. T's embolization. Far from it. I celebrate them. Just not on FB status updates. Though I gladly do with friends I talk with and anyone else who reaches out.
Another comment I received said that my maybe FB announcement hurt her. I am so sorry for that. That was very much the opposite intention I had, in fact it was the motivation for my post. I in no way wanted to imply that babies conceived in petri dishes were in some way 'inferior' or less deserving of celebration. NO WAY ON GOD'S EARTH DO I THINK THAT FOR A SECOND. In fact if you have gone through the IVF/ICSI hoopla not only do you deserve a baby or babies for that matter, but also a medal for courage and determination. I seriously have the utmost respect for the women (and men) who have gone through this. Seriously.
I was only celebrating the fact that I am pg. And I am glad we did not have to go down the ICSI route as it would have cost us a lot more money (which I'm not sure we could have paid for) and it saved me a lot more invasive procedures. Is this something to celebrate? Yes. Though I am sorry that it hurt you. And I really appreciate your comments.
The comment that struck the strongest chord with me, was that because I was not making it clear that we had taken medical steps to get pg, that this might reinforce the old oh-just-relax-and-you'll-get-pregnant ignorance. You know what, you are so right. I had not thought this point through. I definitely do not want to be sending this message. But at the same time I don't want to go into so much detail on FB so publicly.
I really have had words with myself and reflected a lot on this. I wanted to make sure I was making this announcement for the right reasons. So what are they? 1. To get to share my joyous news with friends who live far and wide. 2. To communicate that this was not an easy journey and we overcame difficulties to get here, so that: a) My fertile friends would understand that there is another world of people out there who pray for what they have everyday and struggle for it. And b) any closet IFer friends would feel encouraged to get in touch and share.
It is really not about going into detail about what treatments we had, but also not to deny that we did have IF treatments. So on that note I have revised my potential FB announcement:
Last year Mr. T and I were told we would probably not be able to have children. We are both so overjoyed that I am now 3 months pregnant. It has been one of the most difficult and challenging times of our lives. But it has all been most definitely worth it.
Better?
