It's Saturday night and I'm at home alone. Not because I didn't have somewhere to go. I could have gone out to see a friend sing and then on to a club after. But I can't. So I'm at home watching a film starring the truly wonderful Donald Sutherland, shame I can't say the same for the movie though. And what would usually make this movie night in far more pleasurable would be a bar (or two, lets be honest) of my favourite chocolate.
This is heaven in a silky paper wrap.
But I can't do this either for I am on a chocolate embargo. It's been a week now and I've had not one square, not one flake, not one crumb of delicious melt-in-your mouth velvety-smooth chocolate. Uh why oh why would I do this? Well it's all for my health, which means it's also all about boosting my chances of getting pregnant.
Last month I cut off a section of my hair and sent it off to a laboratory. (It was in a very inconspicuous place at the back where no one would notice there was a chunk of hair missing, well with the exception of a hairdresser maybe). There they analyzed it and checked it for essential nutrients and for toxic minerals.
My husband also did this as we thought that he might show some nutritional deficiencies and possibly even some toxicity, since we knew something was affecting his fertility. Imagine our surprise when his test came back clear of all toxic minerals and his nutritional health appeared to be good; but me? Well my test came back with high toxic levels of lead and way too much copper. Lead! Where the hell did I pick that up?
So now I'm one toxic lady. Maybe I should have a big yellow sign with a skull and crossbones tattooed to my head? Or a warning label: handle with extreme caution, may cause irritation, rinse eyes thoroughly if you come into contact with this woman??
I have racked my brain about where this could have come from but I'm stumped. I have lived in some pretty polluted cities in my time, could it be this? I've never used leaded paint, I always filter my drinking and cooking water, where else do you get lead from? Well apart from wondering about where it came from, I really had to think about how to get it OUT.
Luckily none of this is appearing to affect my fertility but if I did get pregnant my toxic body wouldn't be the best environment for a baby, and it's also not too good for me in the long run. So a comprehensive plan to get the lead out and balance the copper has been formulated. I have to eat very healthily, I have to avoid foods with high levels of copper - and yes you guessed it, my delicious dark heavenly-chocolate is very guilty and needs to be avoided completely. Sigh, no more nights in just the two of us, me and my dark delight.
I will miss you. I will never forget you. You made me feel good when no other could.
I also need to steam/sauna a lot and I need to take many many supplements or what those in the industry call nutriceuticals. Check it out:
These should help with the elimination process, support my liver and make sure I stay fit and healthy during the detox. I do look like a junkie or someone who's chronically-ill when I lay out all my capsules of varying colours and sizes at breakfast - but at least they're all natural and aren't going to give me any nasty side effects.
It also means I have to stay away from toxic environments which is one of the reasons why I didn't go out tonight. Morocco is, I think, about a century away from having a smoking ban (though I remain ever hopeful that some enlightened individual will eventually push one through in my lifetime) and so restaurants, bars and clubs are just blue-smoke hazes on a busy night. Another reason for staying in tonight is that the actual lead detox does have effects on your body. When you try to get this stuff out, it has to get into your system and travel through to your liver for elimination, this can make you feel a bit rough. So far I've had weird headaches where it feels like my head is in a vice and some nausea. I thought this wouldn't start until I actually got pregnant?? But these effects should start to ease off once I start clearing out the heavy metal properly.
I think it helps if I try and picture the heavy metal that's slowly poisoning me like this.
It also means that we have to stop trying for a few months. This is weird for me and very difficult to comprehend. When you have been so focused for over a year on trying to get pregnant and then all of a sudden you have to revert back to trying NOT to get pregnant (which as it turns out really isn't that hard for us), it doesn't compute in my mind quite right. Although I think it will be a relief not to have the pressure on us and to take a break from all the 'am I pregnant or am I not' anxiety.
But that also means waiting. Waiting before the cycle of hope can begin again. I wonder whether, when we start trying again, we'll be just as excited and hopeful as the first few months we began TTC. Or whether we'll be more realistic about what to, or rather, what NOT to expect.
Whatever happens I have made this promise to myself, IF/WHEN I do get pregnant I am going to wear this t-shirt every single day of the pregnancy journey from http://t-shirts.cafepress.com:
And on the back I want printed: Talk about sacrifice, I gave up chocolate for this!
