Let's Talk About Sex

**Caution! This post has a TMI warning. Especially for SILs and other family members. Don't say I didn't warn you!** 

I have sex on the brain right now. It's my fertile time, my husband is away, and we're on a TTC ban for the next few months. But I can't stop thinking about sex! 

However this actually makes a nice change from thinking during sex. Over this TTC year (and then some) sex really has changed. It is always about the possibility of making a baby. Even when it's not during my fertile window, even when it starts out spontaneously (which honestly doesn't happen that often), my mind always drifts back to: this is it, this could be it, I could get pregnant, there's always the chance, ooh let me work out when the baby would be born, hmm nine months, April, May, June, July..... and so on. Sexy, right? Romantic, umm....

So my husband left nearly two weeks ago on a trip for work. This is the first time he's been away for such a long period of time since we started trying for our elusive pregnancy. Before confirming the dates of any trip he went on, he always asked where I would be in my cycle so that we wouldn't miss any opportunity. And now he doesn't even need to ask since he downloaded a new app for his iPhone, the menstrual calendar, that charts my cycle and informs him of when my fertile days will most likely be, ah the romance!

Then we found out that for the next few months this won't really be needed either, since we have to take a break from trying while I detoxify my overly-leaded self (backstory here). So this time it didn't matter when he left. And as it happened he would be leaving over my most fertile days. 

I'm in my ovulating phase now and after a year of this always being THE TIME for sex, sex and more sex, it's now very weird being completely sexually inactive. My brain is still on babymaking mode and it just feels unnatural at this time to be in a sexual desert. In a way I'm actually glad he's gone because I think the temptation to try would overwhelm me right now. Hmm, maybe it's time for a change of mindset.

But not quite like this.

It's time to get back to enjoying sex. It's time for sex to be about us, about me, about him. And maybe this break will be just the medicine for that. I just don't know if my mind will comply and allow me to let go and just enjoy sex as it used to be, before all this TTC madness. Is it possible?

God, I hope so! I miss those days!