It all began with my MIL the day before my insemination. Since Mr.T's parents were staying with us when the insemination would be taking place, we explained it to them so they would know and be aware of what we were going through. The night before the insemination where Mr.T would need to produce his sample at 8am we decided we would get an early night. Mr.T had only had four hours sleep the night before so he really need his shut-eye. At just before midnight I heard my MIL call Mr.T's name over and over and then knock on our door. I thought she would realise we were already sleeping and leave us be because we had a big day tomorrow. But no. She rang Mr. T's phone waking him up. I sprang to my feet and opened the door. He's sleeping! We have to get up really early in the morning! Oh, she said, sorry. I just wanted his computer so we can skype. Oh good, I'm glad you woke us up for something important. Errr, selfish, much? Earlier that day, a woman who I have a BIG problem with came to visit my MIL at the house. I said I was fine with it as long as she didn't stay. No, she won't stay, my MIL reassured me. So when I awoke this morning feeling very nervous about the day ahead, who did I see in the kitchen? This woman. I started to feel the anxiety build in me, I can't stand to be around this woman and my MIL had promised she wouldn't be there!
So Mr.T and I decided to leave without breakfast. Then the fun and games really began. When we arrived at the clinic at eight in the morning, we were expecting a quiet, simple place, with smiling staff and generally an air of privacy and dignity. It was as opposite from that as you can possibly get. It was packed full of people. Including men standing outside clutching cups full of...well, you know, just like that no bag, no cover, nothing, just out there for everyone to see. I was suddenly glad I had missed breakfast.
We were finally directed to another waiting area with just a few other couples. Yes, that's right couples. I thought it was weird that I had been asked to join Mr.T for his part of the process. But maybe it was just for paperwork right? As we were sitting there, extremely nervous at this point, especially given the lack of privacy - an old hunched lady with no teeth walked by. Mr.T laughed, great just what I need to get me in the mood. He joked, she's probably the one taking me to the room! Ha ha ha! He put on a creepy-old-lady voice 'Here you go sir, let me know if you need a hand!' Ha ha ha we laughed. Yeah. We so shouldn't have. Life likes to play cruel tricks.
The lab guy came out and gave Mr.T the cup and we filled out the forms. Then he pointed to the old toothless lady to take Mr. T upstairs. We both looked at each other in horror. Are you kidding me? Mr.T shot me a look of exasperation. I'll do my best he said. The lab guy called out to Mr.T as he walked up the stairs, you don't want your wife to go with you? Both Mr. T and I were like WTF? Mr.T certainly does not want me there when he's about to do the knuckle shuffle! It's certainly not the most dignified thing, nor is it erotic or sexy - its functional and embarrassing. And how dare he announce this to the whole waiting room? No Mr.T replied, I'd rather she wait here. Oh shit. Was all I could think. This is not going to work, it's like they're doing everything possible to put him off. I was starting to get pissed off.
While I was sitting waiting for him (which btw is so not fair on Mr.T, everyone downstairs would know exactly how long it took him. In most places you get to leave through a separate door so no one sees you and you deposit your cup in a special section of the room where a nurse can retrieve it from outside) the lab man came up to me and asked me why I did not go with my husband. He didn't want me to, I replied. But how is he going to do it by himself, the man asked. Well he's been doing it all by himself since he was 13 so I think he'll manage. I mean WTF???? Do Moroccan women go in with their husbands to help them out? Do Moroccan men not masturbate???? This was all too weird for me. All too personal, a complete invasion of our privacy, a complete loss of whatever dignity we were clinging on to. I sat there waiting, watching a movie on the ipod just to escape the reality.
When Mr. T appeared he said it was the toughest thing he ever had to do. The old toothless lady was standing next to him and asked him for his cup, in front of EVERYONE in the room. He handed it over to her and just put his face in his hands. This is f@**ed up, he exclaimed. It's like handing my sperm to my grandma, she was waiting outside the whole freaking time!! And the room was like a prison, he told me. It was dirty and nasty. I'm so glad you didn't come in. This would be hilarious, I said, if it wasn't real. Mr.T said he didn't think it was a good sample, he couldn't produce much, the awful circumstances were just overwhelming. The lab guy called us in. We didn't have enough sperm for the IUI. He showed us the sperm on the screen and there were few sperm, if any moving. You've got 4 million ones I can save for the insemination, he explained. Can you do another? Not here, Mr.T said adamantly. Well you can take the cup and do it at home but bring it right back. He then looked at me and asked when I got my injection, around 10pm on Tuesday right? No, I said, it was at 6pm. Oh that's too early we won't have the sperm ready in time. That was the last straw. Of all the sh*t things that went on today, this was just it. I started to cry. I was pissed off beyond belief. Mr.T phoned Dr.B and started explaining the situation. Dr.B said this guy was not an expert and that he was wrong, it would not be too late. But I was already convinced it was. As we got in the car to drive home, I broke down. I could not stop crying, I was sure it was too late and I was so angry about the way we had been treated at the clinic, so angry that they had made Mr.T's job as difficult and awkward as they could have.
Mr.T looked across at me. How can we go home? My folks are there, my aunt and of course THAT woman. You need space babe. I don't want you to have to be there infront of all those people crying your eyes out, plus I gotta do my thing - there's just too many people there. I'm going to check us in to a hotel. Bless him. Bless my hubbie. I was so grateful. We drove straight to a hotel and checked in. I climbed into the bed and cried it all out until I was numb. Mr. T cuddled me. You don't have to do it if you don't want to babe. It's too late anyway, I said. Mr.T reassured me, it's not too late and I'm gonna do it. I want this to work. He disappeared off to the bathroom and then not too long after was on his way back to the clinic. I had given up at this point and tuned into some crappy tv.
Mr. T returned and dragged me out of bed to get some breakfast. I looked awful, my eyes were red and my hair was all over the place. I just didn't care. We had to pick up the sperm preparation from the clinic and then take it to Dr.B's office across town for the insemination. I'm glad Dr.B had suggested we do the IUI at his office and not at the same clinic as I'm sure it would have been H.O.R.R.E.N.D.O.U.S. The lab guy informed us we now had 8 million fast swimmers and we stood a good chance. So off we went, driving across town with Mr.T's washed sperm in my bag. Part 2 coming soon....
