Now usually I don't believe in this stuff... but I have found myself strangely drawn to the necklace. I wear it everyday, putting it on has become part of my routine like brushing my teeth. At this point I think I am searching for anything, anything at all that might hold some power over whether I get pregnant or not. Is this desperation? I think so.
So I started looking into fertility crystals, fertility feng shui and other weird and wonderful fertility charms. And. I found some hilarious stuff. Like this crystal fertility phallus.
Yes ladies. You can proudly display this at home, on a shelf, or let it take pride of place on your mantelpiece. Explain to guests that you're just trying to conceive and this rather well-endowed ornament is ensuring there are good fertility vibes in your house. Then ignore the weird looks and open-mouthed stares.
Or if you prefer you can instead place a brass wind-chime at your front door, clean out all the clutter from under your bed, but (and here's one for those of us who hate housework, and who doesn't?) don't dust. According to the principles of fertility feng shui you should not dust around the bed while trying to conceive as this disturbs the flow of energy. What a great excuse for not cleaning! Excuse the mess, we're trying to conceive...
Then there's the fertility festivals. A while back I read a magazine article about a fertility festival in Bhutan.
Women who had tried to get pregnant for years attended the festival ceremonies, received blessings from Buddhist monks and later became pregnant. All claimed these experiences were responsible for the change in their previously bad fertility luck. The festival looks incredible and the sheer amount of enormous phalluses can be shocking at times. Bhutan is a very modest society, showing bare skin in public is a big no no and yet at the village of Punakha you will find murals that look more familiar in high school lavatories than on the walls of homes and temples in a Far Eastern village.
Now mark my words internet, if the varicocele embolization, a few more IUIs and the fertility crystals don't work, and I'm still not pregnant this time next year, I'm booking two tickets to Bhutan. And perhaps that crystal penis may end up on our shelf after all.
