So it's two days in and so far I've done fine. Ramadan is such a special time here. I love the sense of community, that we're all doing this together. I love the reasoning behind it - to remind us how lucky we are to be able to eat and drink when we like, to help us feel empathy with the poor, with those who don't have enough to eat or water to drink. I love breaking fast with my husband, the preparation of the food, sitting down at the table to finally enjoy food and delicious glasses of water and juice. Believe me water tastes delicious when you haven't been able to drink all day. I love the silence in the city as we break fast, knowing families across the city are doing the same thing. I love seeing the deserted streets, except for the odd petit taxi rushing home.
Ramadan is also a time of reflection. It is a time that reminds us how fragile we are. It reminds us of our mortality, of our relationship with God. Whether you are religious or not, if you believe you have a spiritual connection with the earth, a higher being, whatever you want to believe, there are times when you feel closer and times when you feel alone, and times when you don't feel anything at all. This last year I have felt angry and alone and have been unable to pray or to connect. In a weird way I felt betrayed. I felt as though having a family, having a baby was my right. It wasn't meant to be this hard. These were dark times for me. In fact I remember last Ramadan, we were 6 months into TTC and I was convinced it was going to happen soon for us. I remember thinking that next Ramadan, I wouldn't have to fast as I'd either be pregnant or breast feeding. Yes breast feeding. That's how hopeful I was. And now Ramadan is here again. But I'm not angry like I thought I'd be.
It's only recently that I've been able to see IF and all our recent experiences with any kind of perspective. I accept our difficulties now, I understand there is a greater plan in motion, one I may as yet not fully understand. I will still get angry, I will still cry but I feel more centered now. I feel as though my relationship with God is healing as I am able to pray again. I am able to say thank you for the many blessings I have in my life.
I give thanks for the love in my life, my family and friends, my health, my job, my education and that while we are not rich like some, we have more disposable income than most in this world so that we never have to worry about putting food on the table. Maybe one day I will get to add my child(ren) to this list. But it is still a great list to be thankful for all the same.
I will post a few of my Ramadan dishes with recipes on my next post. Until then wishing you all Ramadan Mubarak!
