But I know I have to prepare myself for another 3 month wait. I also have to prepare myself for either bad or inconclusive results. The varicocele embolization doesn't guarantee anything. But there is certainly a lot riding on it. The hopes of a wannabe mummy and daddy for a start - and their sanity.
In fact I'm in that limbo phase of the month when you're sanity gets put to the test in the most unfair way. The time when you're waiting for AF to arrive, but it just hasn't quite yet. And. You're not quite late yet but just teetering on the edge. In reality you should give it a few more days to make it's unwelcome arrival, but your hopes begin to steadily grow despite your better judgement. I have, however, been carrying around my pack of always in anticipation of the bitch's arrival. She never fails to ruin a perfectly good day, or perfectly good pair of panties, for that matter. So at least I can pretend that this makes me a realist. What is the IF mantra again? Oh yeah, hope for the best, prepare for the worst - definitely getting better at this as time goes by.
I've been very bad at commenting this ICLW, mainly because I've been looking after a 5 year old girl, who is so super duper adorable, but there has just been no internet time in between games, meals, bathtimes, hairbrushing, teethbrushing and storytimes, phew. Exhausting but very very fun. It has reminded me why I put myself and Mr. T through all the craziness every month. So from Monday I will play ICLW commenting catch-up even after it's all over. So apologies if I haven't returned a comment or commented on a new post of one of my beloved regular bloggers. It will happen. Bear with me.
Also thank you for your well wishes. I am feeling much better, just in need of a bit more sleep! I have had such a fun weekend so far. Yesterday was spent colouring and painting, baking choc chip cookies, swimming and playing cards by the pool, chatting with girlfriends over green tea and freshly baked choc chip cookies and then heading into town for a lovely early dinner at one of my favourite restaurants with three kids, including a 4 month old baby. Yes I held him. Yes it felt good. No I did not feel sad or jealousy or any negative emotions. It simply felt good and natural. Hmm.. I must be getting better at all this.
I have to say putting a child to bed is probably one of the best feelings in the world. The routine is so calming. The teeth and hair brushing, getting the pyjamas on, choosing which toy to cuddle, choosing which story to read. Then the story begins Once upon a time.... It takes you on a magic ride, full of beautiful illustrations and then The End followed by goodnight kisses, the lights going off, with the door just left ajar with enough light coming in. What a feeling of peace and accomplishment! So I am feeling very chilled right now, despite the impending arrival of AF and the all important SA that's yet to be performed (?). The question is will we get our blast off, or will it be, Houston, we have another problem?
