When I think of building the house, the finishing and choosing of the furniture.... I think to myself well if I get pg this IUI then I won't be able to be there for the last part of the build as I'll be having the baby... 9 months is jan, feb, march...september! Things would have to wait and so our schedule will completely change, what we will do then? But then I think to myself a. don't plan your life around a maybe pregnancy and b. realistically, it probably won't happen this cycle. So forget about TTC and just get on with your life. And stop doing pregnancy math!
Then it comes to career decisions. Recently I've been faced with a few different offers. All mean starting new projects with a lot of responsibility and a huge time investment, so I get to wondering again.... what if I get pg, then what will happen? Can I do this job with a baby? Or even what if I need to have more invasive fertility treatments? I may need a lot of time off. Or what if we decide to adopt? Then I would want to focus all my energies on that. So. Is now the time to start a new project? Then I take a deep breath. I say to myself: Stop planning your life around TTC! Just do everything as if it wasn't even an issue. But. Then. That makes me sad.
I don't want to think of my life, no actually, I don't want to think of this year, without a baby. So how can I not plan for it? How can I just get on with my life without thinking about this one burning true fact? And that's where the trouble starts all over again. Because as we know all too well, these things don't really take to being planned. So what the hell am I trying to do?
